10 Mar 11

Thursday’s Thoughts From a Bartender: My Date Has Noticeable Nose Hair

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By Daniel Ponsky

When it comes to a male man and the infinitely magnificent ways we have evolved on this planet over the years, certain physical “tells” about us men have evolved as well. Certain physical characteristics if you care to notice on a man at first site will almost always reveal dead certain giveaways to what he could possibly look like when he gets older. This you know, I am sure of it, don’t play me for a sucker bitch for I am not. Now, if you pay attention to these next few “tender moment thoughts”, they may help you to narrow the dating field if this particular topic that I am about to discuss happens to be relative to any personal issues that some of you may relatively have regarding the various types of attraction that lie at your fingertips waiting to be playfully plucked and experienced at your will.

Warning, the following material is extremely sensitive. If you have heart problems, smoke more than one gram of marijuana or single pack of filtered cigarettes in a day, have asthma, are thinking about getting pregnant or are presently “knocked up”, please, please, please be advised, this material…is, sensitive.
People who shave their family pets and/or farm animals in hopes of winning contest prize money at small county fairs and carnivals should not read any further. If you can read at all.

I’m just going to throw something out there and see where it lands, …unsightly nose hair. Take a moment and build that sweet beauty of a picture in your mind.
Got it? Great. And were off.
Now, you may be thinking, “What does that tell us”?
The answer my eagerly ear pinned friends is plenty.

Unsightly nose hair is like sitting in a movie theater and watching the trailer to the same full-length movie you are about to see when the trailer ends.

That’s right, I said it, if homeboy has George of the Jungle swingin’ from tree vines in his nostrils, you can bet your ass when he takes his shirt off that that fool’s backside will be rocking something out of Gorillas in the Mist.

I’m talking about some relative in this dudes family many, many, many years ago probably escaped from the damn island that Dr. Moreau found and evolved his ape-ness into the hairy ass homosapian now standing naked in front of you waiting to do “work” on Operation: YOU.

You think that’s bad just wait till he asks you to tickle his little Scooby-nuts.
Yeah right, if you can find them.

Sometimes when I sleep at night in my apartment, I can hear my female neighbor Gladice through the wall whimper a scream of panic late at night after she comes home with her dates.
I always know why Gladice, I always know why baby.

It’s so the truth, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Cause’ get this, if your dates nostrils are sponsoring the September quarter for wheat in the continental U.S. southwest division, don’t think he didn’t try everything there was to prevent you from seeing that before he walked out the door to meet you.

It’s so uncontrollable, it’s evil. And it’s evil, cause it’s true.
Some men grow nose hair faster than Charlie Sheen sweating seven-gram crack rocks on Sunday at The Palms.

Now take what I’ve said, absorb it, let it sink in, shine and resonate, and walk back into your world of questions and know at the end of your day that you now have one less that need be answered.

Again, to briefly recap for those who are slow, if your date has unsightly demonstrative flowing nose hair and you are not down with that type of “scene”, drop your fork and get the hell out.

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”

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