18 Dec 10

Saturday’s Memoirs: Adventures in Bad Online Dates — Culture Crash

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By Tiffany Moore

When I used to live in New York we used to call corny guys “Square Bears”. I am sure the term “square” is still used everywhere and holds true to the same meaning. I have been through my phases just like everyone else. I am no stranger to the ex-con, the dope boy, the silver fox, the Abercrombie kid, and the square bear. I do not discriminate. Here’s a story about when a circle meets a square…

I used to live in the “college ghetto”. Next door to me on the left was a half way house. (For newly released felons), kiddie corner was a bodega. (A place to buy a beef patty on coco bread, phillys, chips, and beer) and surrounding me were college students wanting to live the off-campus life. Yeah those were the days. My girl used to live across from me and sometimes we would get us a 22oz. corona w/lime and she would braid my hair while we chilled on the stoop. We used to people watch all the time. I miss the ghetto.

I used to work at the mall close by and one day outside waiting for the bus this guy pulled over. He was early 20’s, blonde hair, blue eyes that looked like marbles, and he went to the SUNY school right down the street. Zach was not the typical type of guy that I usually go out with. Then again he was very clean cut, smelled good, drove a Honda civic, and he offered to give me a ride to work. It was hot as hell outside and I was young and dumb and I got in the car. Don’t worry this ain’t that kind of hell date he didn’t do anything crazy. Zach Morris was very polite and asked me out on a date so I agreed. At that time I lived with my boyfriend AC Slater so I had to be slick about it. Hey this is a true story so don’t judge me. Ha, ha. I met him up at the mall that same night. We went out to eat at this steakhouse.

After we sat down and talked for a minute I would notice he would stare at me and often asked me to repeat words. I thought he may have been hard of hearing, maybe he was lip reading, but he told me that he doesn’t understand some of the things I say. He doesn’t understand some of my slang. I was embarrassed at first. I mean I live in the hood but I am not hood.

Zach spoke of his engineering classes and how he grew up in suburban Connecticut around well to do people. I felt like he looked down on me the more we spoke. I wanted to ask him what the hell was he doing driving in “the hood” when he picked me up. Maybe he was scoring some “hi-class” coke. Now this guy has ME making generalizations. He low key clowned me because I didn’t know about wine and my palette wasn’t sophisticated. He turned his fork down on his plate when he was done eating. He was trying to teach me about etiquette.

Mr. Morris even said he didn’t understand why I liked rap music so much when all they do is degrade women, and talk about such violence. At that time, 18 years old it felt like he had spit on me. He asked me questions about my parents and where they went to college. I felt like I was on the defense the whole time. I made up an excuse on why I couldn’t stay for the movie. I was bold enough before I shook to ask him why he would even want to go out with a black girl anyway. He obviously knows nothing about the culture, and seems like he has a superiority complex. He said black girl? I thought you were Puerto Rican.

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”

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