21 Jul 09

Don’t Use My Sweater Like a Towel: Part 8 – Chapter 6

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See below for parts 1-7…

Now let’s get down to the real burning questions. How far should you go physically on the first date? Rule 15 warns that “No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date” is acceptable. I also wanted to know if “going further” has been a deal breaker or changed the man’s opinion of the woman he is courting. I was surprised at how many men agreed with Rule 15. Only 30% express a “go with what feels right” kind of attitude. A majority of the men surveyed are a bit more traditional when it comes to sex early on in a relationship. “There is something cool about not going all the way on a first date,” Man #8 said, “maybe take it slow.” Man #13 concurs: “getting physical too soon just takes some of the early anticipation away. That is crucial and propels the relationship.” But of all of the respondents, only 10% reported that moving too quickly or too slowly would change their opinion of the woman they were dating. Most agreed with Man #1’s assessment, “Sometimes two people click right away, and things move along rapidly. Sometimes things take a while.””¨
So overall, I’d say the men I interviewed didn’t think much of playing by a set of rules. The overwhelming consensus seemed to be what I have felt all along – do what feels right to you. Of course, I had a few questions myself, based on my own experiences. In regards to online dating, and other common life situations, I wanted to know if men liked women to contact them. While 50% had not participated in online dating, those who did were 99% in favor of women asking them for a date. Man #7 said it all: “I would not be on there if I did not want to be approached.”

What about being approached at a bar or another social setting? Men absolutely want women to introduce themselves. “I like a woman with enough confidence to walk up and chat,” Man #4 responded. Although my fellow women, Man #14 wants you watch the booze: “as long as it’s done with a professional approach, not from a drunken sleazy approach. That’s a big turn-off to gentlemen.” But as Man #14 so eloquently put it, “Hells yeah!” was by far the most popular reaction.

Back to sex: I heard the men talk about playing it cool and waiting for the “right time” to get physical with a woman, but what I really wanted to know was how many dates they were willing to hang around without it. They, for the most part, stuck to their guns. Man #2 is willing to wait “until I feel like the chick is not interested in ever having sex with me,” while Man #5 claims, “as many as it takes before it feels right.” The men who put a number on it range their answers from 3 to 5 to 10. So, there really does seem to be a “no-set-rule- play-it-by-ear thing” here. Do what your gut tells you to do, and whatever happens, you can deal with the outcome.

To be continued…

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”

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