Daily Dating Advice Relationship tips and advice for dating.

Fleet Foxes – Your Protector

(Photo via Racked)

By Danielle Turchiano

I am not a guy, and while I usually thank my lucky stars for that, today I can’t help but wish that just for a day I could step into the opposite, not-so-fairer sex’ shoes. Because today I learned there is such a thing as jean underwear (right now only available in men’s boxer briefs style; so sorry, ladies!), and I would love to understand the mentality behind why one would think that’s a good idea. In every day life, sure, but especially in dating life.

Yes, JeanPants Underwear. Think Tobias Funke, shrink his “never nude” cutoffs about three sizes, and there you have it: skin-tight denim underwear. They’re hip-hugging (and yes, package-hugging), so they cling to everything. Literally. E-ver-y-thing.

No bueno. Or in the immortal words of Valerie Cherish: “I don’t want to see that!”

I’m not a guy, so I don’t pretend to understand the decisions they make, but if I learned one thing from my own father’s pearls of wisdom it’s that all men make decisions based around sex. So by choosing to pull on a (even brand new) pair of jean underwear before a date, what is it exactly they’re trying to tell us? I have come up with a few theories and none of them are good.

One is that they are going for the shock factor: they want the wide-eyed and dropped jaw response when their pants come down. The risk is great, and perhaps they are hoping that the more quick-thinking analytical woman would be able to note that in the moment and score them points for being so daring. I know you’re never supposed to “play it safe” in fashion choices, but is the risk as great as the reward here if half the time the cost of the risk is that the action ruins any mood that may have previously been set?

Another option may be that they want to put it all out there without having to, well, put it all out there. On How I Met Your Mother, they introduced the idea of the “Naked Man,” a strategy guys resort to when they think they only have one shot to sleep with a girl. They find some excuse to get her out of the room, strip down, and hope when she returns she is so charmed by his balls (well, uh, not literally), she sleeps with him out of a combination of pity and proximity. Of course, while some may chuckle at jean underwear and then find the guy wearing them’s hopefulness cute, for many others, the laughter will not be enough to sustain.

Of course, those theories assume the guys are giving underwear as much thought as women do, though. While we may pick out the perfect matching bra and panties set to entice and excite our man, well, most don’t return the favor. So little thought may mean the jean underwear are just reached for out of sheer necessity, but if they hope we won’t notice them in a heap on the floor, they’re as wrong about us as they are about their fashion choices. No matter how fast a guy can shuffle out of his clothes when sex is on the table, our eye for detail is always faster!

Now, I know some women like guys who are “fixer-uppers,” so I could see one situation when jean underwear could be a completely positive choice. But the guy would have to know the girl really, really well for that to work, and something tells me if the guy is wearing jean underwear voluntarily, he doesn’t know a whole lot about anything.

By: Daniel Ponsky

For the record, there probably isn’t a date on the calendar with more pressure than this one for a dude.

As men we handle our business twenty-four hours a day seven days a week–but having to be on point for your lady’s mom’s and family, now that’s a whole other level of constructive conductibility that needs to be handled gently and with kit gloves if your seriously looking to take your relationship with your girlfriend to the next level and beyond. I dare not say the word that I am referring to but you know what I am talking about gentleman if you too have a slow and cold chill running down your spine. It’s..the M word.

Gentleman, do not think for a second that the first time you step through the doors that time forgot that you won’t be on display like a Picasso. Fools in her family will most definitely be breaking their own neck from checking you out solid and correct. Don’t be intimidated by this tactic, it’s only a nut check, don’t trip.

Take them first few hits like a man and keep your head in the game. Aunt Darla gnarled at your jeans, little brother gives you the evil eye, Grandma palmed your butt, here’s what you do. The aunt is a gimme, you gotta see that coming. She changed your ladies diapers for a few years and will always be second in command to your parents as guardian and honorary keyholder of the chastity. Now with grandma, just smile and shoot her a wink with that crooked schoolboy smile of yours. She’ll spend the next eight hours locked up in her old, whacked out mind thinking about what she would do to you if she was five hundred years younger. But whatever, you dodge the first few bullets and make a life long friend who will always make you pudding if your lucky. Yes sir I tell you, nothing is better then all you can eat grandma pudding.

The most important thing you will have to prep for is pops. Especially if he is bigger then you and has military training.
No B.S., this is the man that will end you for even thinking anything out of line about his daughter while you are in his home. Shave, clean your finger nails, brush your hair and if you forget all of that and do nothing else, keep your eyes off your woman’s ass and always call him sir until instructed otherwise. He knows all about your game, that’s how he made the women you are with. Don’t forget that and everything else should be apple pie and ice cream.

The key to mother’s is pretty simple to me. If you have a good relationship with your mother then do this, treat your lady’s mom exactly the same way you would treat yours. Be kind, courteous and helpful. If you get lucky and start becoming real comfortable, know when to shut up. You will be respected more bye her and the rest of the family if you sit with an eager silence and delightful smile on your face that says you are just happy to be there. Skip talks about politics, religion and money. It’s a happy day and no one needs to invite the devil. Unless of course her mother is the devil in which case you have no choice but to just be screwed. Good Luck, most likely your going to need it.

Dear Sasha,
This is a very personal matter–but no matter how excited I get with a girl (I’m 24), I can only stay hard for about 15 minutes. It has made me not even want to date, what should I do?

Sincerely,
My private parts

Dear Mr. Private,
I don’t know who implanted men with this fallacy that sex needs to go all night long—though I assume Lionel Richie is to blame—but 15 minutes sounds right about perfect for me…just as long as there’s a round two.

The truth is, excitement is exciting for everyone. Think about it; when you make a girl moan, it makes you way hotter, right? If a girl knows you can barely keep it together because she’s so irresistible to you, she’s going to be flattered and turned on.

Still, learning to maintain your composure is something you should do and it will get easier as you get older.
First off, are you using condoms? Usually that barrier of latex creates a dullness that allows men to perform longer.

Second, slow your breathing and pretend you’re Sting. Tantric sex is all about slow, steady and sensual, which women prefer anyway. When you think you’re getting close to climax, slow down—or even pull out—take a few breaths and then get back into it.

And finally, and this is the most important lesson of all, get really good at going down on a girl.

No, I’m not kidding.

Since it obviously doesn’t take much to bring you to the finish line, do the same for your lady and ensure everyone is having a grand ol’ time.
Forget all that spell-the-alphabet-with-your-tongue stuff. Every girl is different and you have to address her needs. The sexiest thing you can say in bed is, “Tell me what you like.” Make that your go-to phrase and you’ll be just fine.

-Sasha

*Feel free to email us with any dating, relationship, love and sex questions you may have for Sasha.

By Alison Agosti

Sometimes accessories can make or break an outfit. Be it the perfect belt, bag or bracelet, accessories can knock an ensemble out of the park. However, the opposite can easily be true: a loud scarf, an ugly bag or a distracting necklace can detract from a look and send the wrong message. This goes for the fellas, too. Men are no strangers to over accessorizing, specifically; I want to talk about excess bling.

Fortunately, this seems to be a trend that is hard for the average guy on the street to achieve. Jewelry is expensive, especially the more intricate pieces. And I’m not talking about a guy with a nice watch or a single chain (although, honestly, I don’t like that much either). I’m talking about the guy with huge earrings, with several necklaces and bracelets usually accompanied by loud clothes and an unhealthy need for attention. This is not the A-Team, so you shouldn’t be dressed like Mr. T. And thus, the busy bling look has been resigned to the world of low-level rappers looking to turn heads and leathery cologne enthusiasts living in Florida.

While this look has never had mass appeal, I’m happy to report that bling has been toned down everywhere. The hip hop scene has attributed the loss of jewelry on the downturn economy and during the Academy Awards, the lack of jewels and gems on both men and women was highly reported on. Now, the look in men’s accessories seems to be a nice watch or simple bracelet and a wedding ring if need be (the ultimate turn off).

This adage is old and cliché and sexist, but that doesn’t make it any less true: women don’t like men who wear too much accessories or take longer to get ready than we do. Guys, we are not peacocks; “look at me” behavior is not something that should be rewarded. The bountiful bling (What? I like alliteration) seems to be part of a larger problem: this need to be noticed and looked at. Excessive jewelry and bright clothes are usually accompanied by a cheesy, ridiculous sports car, hair plugs that are almost undetectable and cologne that could tranquilize an elephant.

I’ve personally never encountered this in a romantic situation. I can’t imagine a scenario where I would agree to date a guy who looked like he had just left the set of a seventies mobster movie. I have, however, been approached by this type. It always starts with a line that goes something like, “You like what you see?” and when I’ve responded with “No, absolutely not.” or something similar, they exist immediately. This isn’t the type of guy who is looking to make a connection with anything other than the physical.

Excessive bling feels desperate, dated, unattractive and a sure sign of someone who is not self-aware or interested in being… interesting. Here’s a crazy idea: develop a personality! Cultivate some interests! I promise it will be much more attractive than the cheesy glitz.

By Daniel Ponsky

What makes a great lover great? Is it passionate unpredictability between the sheets? Is it the way they kiss, or smell or tease your uninhibited senses into an intoxicating carousel of sexual prowess? Whatever it is that hits the pleasure button within you, one thing is for sure. For that button to be engaged, the person hitting it needs to be awake.

Never in all my days have I had the misfortune of lulling my lover to sleep while trying to get down and get some. Sure, I’ve had moments when she says she is tired and asks if we can wrap things up, but like most men, I take that as what we like to call a sexual victory. Sure there’s no trophy ceremony but who cares, if your having sex, no one is really losing right, right.

Unless of course you have what I also like to call, “The Thunderdome Situation.” That’s when two people enter and one person leaves. They don’t just check out, they pass out. Most times alcohol or a lack of sleep is attributed to this sexual demise so taking things personally is a big waste of time and bruising of the ego. And the ego is nothing to be screwed with. After all, in the sack, it really does make us who we are. In my opinion drinking awakens the ego. It slaps it in the face and says, “hey buddy, let’s do this.” But over drinking and not knowing your limit has it proverbial price to pay. Being too drunk during sex is like taking the ego and dropping a piano on it. Comprende amigos? Well muy bueno.

I have heard the greatest moments of people’s sexual lives destroyed because they miffed the night by smoking a joint. Imagine a hard worked and expensive night out with your date and you barely get past the icebreaking neck massage on the couch where the only person they end up doing is the sandman cause your magic hands just felt too damn good. Sucks, huh? Rule number one, don’t mix and match your poisons.

If you are the type of person who needs to get a swurve on before you bang it out because it just makes the situation better in any way shape or form, I have a bit of advice. First things first, know your limit and stick to it. If you are in the unpleasant situation of having gone past your limit and are now on the forty-five minute clock to passing out, grab and energy drink and do some pounding. If that’s not an option, find a bathroom or a place to escape to for a moment that is private and knock out some push ups or sit ups. Get the blood pumping but do it at a pace. If you’re too hammered your liable to get queasy and we all know how that tale is going to end up. Bowing down to the porcelain god. I personally have witnessed this one more then once and all I have is two words for it, “Not Sexy!” Forgivable, sure, but sexy, hell-to-the-no.

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Dear Sasha,
I think that I’m a sex addict. I don’t seem to be able to stay loyal in a relationship. Every woman I have ever dated I have cheated on multiple times, and I constantly think about sex. The woman I’m currently dating could be someone that I would like to build a life together, however I have already cheated and I’m afraid that I’ll do it again.

Sincerely,
Perplexed by my sexual appetite

Dear Perplexed-
This is a tough one for me. Constantly thinking about sex and wanting to act on your urges just means you’re a man, but the wandering eye is troubling. To be totally candid, I have never been faithful in a relationship either and it’s something that really worries me. I can’t speak to the nature of your desire, but I can tell you that for me, the reason I cheated was two-fold:

First, I was young and stupid, not thinking about how hurt my boyfriends would have been if they discovered I was stepping out on them. Second, I wasn’t getting what I really wanted in my relationships—be it love, affection, support, intellectual stimulation—so I sought it elsewhere.

As I’ve gotten older, I realized just how destructive my behavior was and it scared the hell out of me. I haven’t been in a serious relationship in several years and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to be with just one man. I want to believe yes, but you never know until the moment arises. That doesn’t make me a sex addict, it just makes me human. In recent years, the question of the viability of monogamy has been roundly raised and, for the first time, people started to admit that perhaps it wasn’t the most natural urge to follow.

Here’s what I’ve come to believe; being with one person isn’t natural, it’s a choice, a really difficult, demanding choice that you have to make every minute of every day, the same way an alcoholic takes it one day at a time.

You might not be ready for monogamy and, if that’s the case, you have to be honest with yourself and your girlfriend. Having already cheated on her, the sad truth is your relationship is doomed. Once you tell her, she won’t be able to trust you, and if you don’t tell her, she shouldn’t anyway.

Give yourself some time and some space to be single and decide if being in a committed relationship is right for you and, if it is, that you’re prepared to be in it 100%.

-Sasha

*Feel free to email us with any dating, relationship, love and sex questions you may have for Sasha.