By J.R. Reed aka Sexandthesingledad

Getting divorced sucks. Especially when you have kids. My parents were married 46 years when my dad died and being married and sticking it out is what I knew. I married someone who was eventually diagnosed as bi-polar. She stopped taking her medicine when our daughter was five and there was no way I could have her living with our daughter and myself.

There were issues on both sides. It’s never entirely one person’s fault, but the up and down mood swings was too much to handle. What made it really tough on me was that I still had feelings for her. It wasn’t like there were big issues we were fighting about. It was all about her illness and the inability to function properly when she wasn’t taking her medicine.

I loved her, but I couldn’t be with her and that made it hard. Divorce is tough when the two people have zero love for each other, but it may be tougher when one of the couple doesn’t really want it to be over. There was no doubt in my mind that it needed to be over, but I didn’t really want this to be how it ended.

I ended up with full custody of my daughter and did what any good dad would do. I put on a happy face and made the best of the situation publicly, but inside I was a mess. I knew there was nothing I could do about it, yet I constantly second-guessed myself. When my ex took her medicine, everything was great, but I couldn’t force her to take her pill everyday.

Everyone deals with things in a different way. My way was to pull away from my friends and my family. I needed to keep my mind off it, so I started working more hours. By “more hours” I mean “too many hours”. I poured myself into work and internalized everything. When you’re working 70 hours a week and don’t let anything out, you become a time bomb. I ended up in the ER one night with my BP 245/160.

I was alienating myself from the very people I should be turning to and spending more time with. My friends were calling and asking to do things, but I blew them off every time. I was feeling like my life was in complete chaos. There was not a doubt in my mind about doing the right thing for my daughter, but I felt as if I was losing control.

I avoided dealing with my problem by working too much, but the problem didn’t go away. It only grew. My stress and constantly being burned out was affecting my health and my attitude, plus my friends were starting to get irritated and on my case. This sucked.

I don’t care how much you want the divorce or if divorce is the last thing you ever thought about, it’s going to be rough on you. You have to find someone to talk to—a friend, a counselor, the homeless guy at the park. Anyone will do. If you internalize everything you’ll end up in a bed at the ER with a doctor pouring nitro glycerin down your throat as the nurse asks about your living will. That way isn’t pleasant. Take my word for it.

By Kari DePhillips

Across the globe, people young and old engage in the elaborate social ritual known as “dating.” However, what that means can vary from country to country. As a result, it’s important to arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible – especially if you’re into accents. For example:

In Britain, men are far less likely to write love poems and make other romantic gestures. Instead, a Brit often purchases sexy lingerie for the woman of his dreams. And that’s probably where she’ll stay, if he doesn’t stop buying a thong instead of roses every time he does something wrong.

Don’t expect to get lucky on the first date in South Korea. It might take up to two months for a Korean couple to exchange even a kiss on the cheek. A long-term relationship might include some action, but only after a year or longer. How long do you wait before doing the deed?

In Thailand, dating isn’t just between a guy and a girl. If a couple decides to start dating, they’ll bring along family members and discuss a wide variety of issues, from politics to business. Thai people like to be educated and well versed in many different topics, and want to impress both their potential partner and their entire extended family. Oh, the pressure!

In some parts of India, dating only begins after marriage has been arranged by the couple’s parents. When the happy couple meets for the first time, they are expected to accept or reject the person within days of meeting, if not that very same day…and you thought Thai dating was stressful!

If you’re a man in Spain, get used to holding doors. And ladies, don’t offer to pay. Not only is it expected that he’ll treat, you might even offend him. Gender roles are considered a time-honored tradition throughout Spain. Invitations to a date are often very formal, and the date itself may come only after meeting your crush’s entire family. North of Spain lies Sweden, where women are expected to take the initiative. They’re responsible for getting the phone number and making the first move, usually by text.

Australians are known for being exceedingly fair. Blokes and sheilas tend to go halfsies on dates. Of course, equality applies to drinking as well, since women as well as men are expected to purchase rounds for the entire drinking party.

Where do you stand on the gender divide? Should men pay on dates, or should they split it equally? Is it chivalrous or insulting when a man opens the door for a woman? Let us know in the comments section – in the meantime, I’ll be packing my bags for Spain.

Splitting Up? Make It Official With a ‘Divorce Ceremony’

Time

One in four marriages in Japan now ends in divorce. With this increase in people untying the knot, former salesman Hiroki Terai saw a business opportunity.

A year ago he set up his “divorce mansion” in a small undercover space in Tokyo. Couples pay around 55,000 yen ($606) to hold a ceremony with all the extravagance of a wedding that symbolically ends their relationship in front of all their family and friends.

Despite Japan’s soaring divorce levels, the practice is still taboo. These ceremonies help people to cope with the country’s changing social norms, Terai claims. “There’s no mistaking that divorce is a sad process,” he says. “But I believe that by declaring your new start in life in front for your friends, relatives and family, you draw a clear line. It helps emotionally.”

Common features of a divorce ceremony are the smashing of the old wedding rings with a heavy hammer painted with a green frog’s head (frogs symbolize change is Japanese culture) and a feast with the couple sitting back to back at opposing tables. At the end of the ceremony the pair give each other a polite bow and go their separate ways. “I feel better than before we did this,” says divorcee Taka after his ceremony. “It’s over.” (via CNN)
-Frances Perraudin

By, Kira Sabin – The Dating Makeover Coach

As a dating coach, it is inevitable that every few months I get a question asking what I think of the current Bachelor/Bachelorette. Honest moment. I haven’t watched it for years since “Bob the Bachelor” was on there. Why? Because honestly, it is hard to digest. Don’t get me wrong, is it good, addictive entertainment? Hell yeah! Does it have ANYTHING to do with love and creating a great relationship? Nope. Not one bit.

I love guilty pleasures and have a few of my own that include, as my friend C found out last week, The Thong Song by Sisqo. Yet, I don’t actually believe that Sisqo knows some universal truth about underwear, it is just a silly, catchy song by a short guy with bad silver hair.

So if you are a die hard Bachelor(ette) fan, here are 3 things to keep in mind.

3. They are all drunk. Seriously, has no one else noticed how much champagne they drink? I wonder if there would really be so many fights, make-outs, hot tub scenes or tears if they weren’t boozing it up all the time. Why wouldn’t they think they were falling in love when they are constantly liquored up? It’s like 24-7 beer goggles.

2. Where do they get these people? I mean seriously? I love the fact that they are supposedly “real” guys and gals just like us, but if any of these guys that they are showing previews of on Hulu were my clients, I would maybe have to rethink my business. Want proof? One of the guys is nicknamed “Shooter.” He received the nickname in college because he prematurely ejaculated and decided to tell the Bachelorette the first night. Really?

What about “Bear” who claims there are no women in the secluded area he is from called….Colorado?!? Really? People, I can’t make this stuff up!

1. Don’t be confused, it is just entertainment. Though it is not as fun to believe, reality shows are known to be manipulated, as well as, even scripted sometimes. They add the hot messes knowing that they will be dramatic and make better television. They set up ridiculously romantic situations that don’t really create the chance to find out if someone is a great communicator, a partner that will help with the cooking and cleaning, can help pay the bills and has a similar relationship style. All stuff that starts mattering when the booze wears off and you are faced with real life. Although, not as romantic as jetting off to Hawaii like they do on The Bachelor(ette), that is when life gets good.

By Jennifer Kelton

It’s estimated about 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage. Womensavers.com (Hello, Ashleymadison.com)

While it’s extremely difficult to get the precise numbers, I can say that unfortunately, unknowingly, and very much to my Brazilian waxed vaginal dismay I became part of 2009’s infidelity statistic. This unequivocally and absolutely goes against every grain of my moral, cellular and ethical being. And now my poor unsuspecting adulterous vagina — I just found out about this sexual and dishonorable tidbit of information last night over a Guinness beer at one of my favorite local Irish pubs.

I don’t remember the exact day, but what I do remember is that it was one of those typical warm California Summer nights — I recall feeling salty, sandy, and tanned from spending the afternoon at the beach, despite having taken a shower before heading out for food and cocktails. I was wearing black short shorts, brown equestrian style boots, and a vintage western blouse as I breezily went for sushi happy hour at an extremely trendy Venice Beach hot spot.

Once there, I ended up bumping into a local guy/friend that I once casually dated and his other friends at the bar. The guy I used to date had one friend who just so happened to be tall, dark and devilishly handsome. I was attracted to him immediately and the more he flirted with me the more charming and engaging he became.

The possibility of romance going further than the bar was absolutely the gigantic cartoonish caption bubble hovering over my captivated swooning head – A devilishly handsome flirty guy along with his tempting wooing ways was just too impossible to be true. However, he was I’d like to blank your brains out too hot to ignore.

As we all finished up at the bar, devilishly handsome guy invited me back to his swanky shoreline Santa Monica hotel for cocktails and while at the hotel’s bar the flirting became more sexual, but I was not objecting — perhaps he is “the one”?

Our heated exchange went on for about an hour and then he authoritatively asked for and paid our tab while simultaneously asking me if I wanted to go to his room. I’m not naive and figured that once getting there, I would go only as far as I wanted (sex wise). Immediately, when we got into the room he ordered a really good bottle of wine and it did not take long before we were on the bed kissing, clothes off, and having sex.

One thing that really pops out in my mind (no pun intended) was his forcefulness as he pushed my head to his “head” which in retrospect now seems to be overtly selfish behavior on his behalf. And what I now know became to be a one night stand with a married man.

He got up quickly right after he came and went to take a shower, as I laid there for a fast minute I knew I had to leave — something was not right. As I put my clothes back on, I wondered if I should leave my business card or my number on the hotel notepad. I opted not to and left quickly while he was still in the shower. I could see the steam drifting out from the slight crack in the pristine five-star hotel door….

To be continued.

By Jessica Downey

Even though things have evolved and been updated, unconventional ways of meeting people have been around since before I was born (actually since before I was even though of to be technical). Living proof is with my parents, who met through a dating service nearly 40 years ago.

My mom saw an ad in a local newspaper in Indiana for a dating service. They sent her a form to fill out (much like the questionnaires for internet dating sites) which she had to send back. Then, the service sent her a list of her matches – with their names, addresses and phone numbers.

That’s right; just the basics which didn’t include a picture. Today, most people wouldn’t think of meeting without seeing numerous pictures of you from all possible angles. Most people also wouldn’t even think about sharing their address before meeting in person (for some people that may even take a few dates).

There was also no sexting or sharing of naked pictures before meeting. Actually there really wasn’t even any sort of conversation about sex at all.

Likewise, dating has also changed a lot since my parents met. My mom met a number of guys from the dating service before meeting my dad and there was a recurring theme – the man took the lead. Nice girls didn’t chase after boys then, so my mom never called a guy or asked him out on a date.

My mom never paid for a single date. Actually, my mom didn’t even offer to pay for a single date. If she had, this would imply she didn’t think her date could afford to take her out (which would clearly be an insult). In fact, one time my mom took my dad out for his birthday and my grandma thought she was crazy. The only money she really brought was a quarter in case she had to call my grandpa for a ride home (and she only had to do that once because a man couldn’t keep his hands to himself).

During the date, the man was very attentive. He always pulled out chairs for her, opened the door for her and even ordered for her. She never once saw this as an insult or thought anyone felt she was incapable of doing these things herself. It was simply just being polite.

Clearly interactions between men and women have changed since the time when my parents met and at times it seems as though that whole chivalry thing is slowly dying. I can’t help but wonder something though. Years ago, so many men were chivalrous because it was expected. Granted, I am sure it was genuine sometimes but not always. On the other hand, now men do it because they want to. It kind of seems it’s more likely to be genuine now. So, is quantity really better than quality?

Jessica Downey is a freelance writer who lives in Chicago who writes about dating and life as a single woman. She currently writes for ChicagoNow.com and has written for Examiner.com

Watch Betty speed date and man test to find her next husband.

Episode is filled with dating humor and sex humor.