By Jennifer Kelton

It’s estimated about 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage. Womensavers.com (Hello, Ashleymadison.com)

While it’s extremely difficult to get the precise numbers, I can say that unfortunately, unknowingly, and very much to my Brazilian waxed vaginal dismay I became part of 2009’s infidelity statistic. This unequivocally and absolutely goes against every grain of my moral, cellular and ethical being. And now my poor unsuspecting adulterous vagina — I just found out about this sexual and dishonorable tidbit of information last night over a Guinness beer at one of my favorite local Irish pubs.

I don’t remember the exact day, but what I do remember is that it was one of those typical warm California Summer nights — I recall feeling salty, sandy, and tanned from spending the afternoon at the beach, despite having taken a shower before heading out for food and cocktails. I was wearing black short shorts, brown equestrian style boots, and a vintage western blouse as I breezily went for sushi happy hour at an extremely trendy Venice Beach hot spot.

Once there, I ended up bumping into a local guy/friend that I once casually dated and his other friends at the bar. The guy I used to date had one friend who just so happened to be tall, dark and devilishly handsome. I was attracted to him immediately and the more he flirted with me the more charming and engaging he became.

The possibility of romance going further than the bar was absolutely the gigantic cartoonish caption bubble hovering over my captivated swooning head – A devilishly handsome flirty guy along with his tempting wooing ways was just too impossible to be true. However, he was I’d like to blank your brains out too hot to ignore.

As we all finished up at the bar, devilishly handsome guy invited me back to his swanky shoreline Santa Monica hotel for cocktails and while at the hotel’s bar the flirting became more sexual, but I was not objecting — perhaps he is “the one”?

Our heated exchange went on for about an hour and then he authoritatively asked for and paid our tab while simultaneously asking me if I wanted to go to his room. I’m not naive and figured that once getting there, I would go only as far as I wanted (sex wise). Immediately, when we got into the room he ordered a really good bottle of wine and it did not take long before we were on the bed kissing, clothes off, and having sex.

One thing that really pops out in my mind (no pun intended) was his forcefulness as he pushed my head to his “head” which in retrospect now seems to be overtly selfish behavior on his behalf. And what I now know became to be a one night stand with a married man.

He got up quickly right after he came and went to take a shower, as I laid there for a fast minute I knew I had to leave — something was not right. As I put my clothes back on, I wondered if I should leave my business card or my number on the hotel notepad. I opted not to and left quickly while he was still in the shower. I could see the steam drifting out from the slight crack in the pristine five-star hotel door….

To be continued.

By Jennifer Kelton

Since I’m on the subject of the good old days…

Penis…

I have to admit, other than being flashed online via Skype, it’s been about five months since I’ve seen one in the flesh.

It was back in December of 2009 and I met him at an English pub that’s close to my house and after too many glasses of cheap happy hour white wine we ended up in a women’s bathroom stall kissing like sweaty teenagers. Actually, I later found out he was pretty young (only 28) and while he was/is a super sweet guy in the end he’s just too young (I’m 44).

Even with as much fun as we had dating casually, at some point past his make-out skills, we just fizzled mostly because of the age difference between us.

The last time I saw him I remember him moving in for a good night kiss which left me just feeling like “mommy” (not a turn on) and 28-year-old guy went home minus a kiss goodnight and I no longer felt like “mommy”.

Fast forward to this morning when I was reading an article about how chimpanzees mourn their dead, which happens to be extremely similar to us. They also have 96% of the same genes. nationalgeographic.com

So what does this have to do with Part Two of the last Sex, Skype and Technology post?

A lot, since it also has to do with human behavior — as much as we try to escape the base of our DNA, it’s just impossible!

Did you know that male chimpanzees do most of the hunting for meat in joint groups of 1-35?

The kill is shared with their friends and allies and is also a way to gain sex.

Sex is what so much of life is based around. Really lets be real here, so much of life comes
back to sex.

Just take a look at sex in advertising. I’m not sure of the exact stats but my guess is at least 90% of it is geared towards selling you a product that will “help” you entice and attract the opposite sex. This is something that dates back to the 1800’s in ads for saloons, tonics, and tobacco…

Let’s face it sex sells.

This morning after my morning run, which is not only for my sanity but also for the fight against gravity on my body, and not just for me but because I want to be in shape and minus any muffin tops for that make-out session with the next penis I encounter.

I digress; also this morning I saw the latest TV commercial with Holly, aka Bad Date Betty who is one of the stars of Bad Date TV, for Wienerschnitzel.

200 years later sex still sells, but you know what? I still don’t want to see penises on Skype.

Wienerschnitzel “79 cent corn dog”

Bad Date? Good News!
Bad Date TV Contest
By Jessica Downey

We’ve all been on some really bad dates. You know, the kind of date that your friends don’t really believe happened. The kind that makes you want to swear off dating for good. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if there was some sort of reward for all these terrible dates? Well, brace yourselves because now there is one.

That’s right. You’re bad date story could win you a chance to appear on the next episode of Bad Date TV. Think of it this way. If you have ever had to sit through an excruciatingly bad date, here is your chance have a little something to show for it.

The process is very simple. All you need to do is tell BadOnlineDates your worst bad date story. You can tell your story through blog, iphone app or a video blog on the site. If you haven’t had a chance to check out the BadOnlineDates iPhone app, here is a great chance to do it. Not only will you be able to submit your entry, but there you also can check out all the blogs and videos from the site.

Entries must be made at any time from April 1, 2010 until June 1, 2010. A male and female winner will be chosen by their bad date story. Then the winners will travel on an expenses paid trip to Los Angeles in July 2010 where they will participate in a full day shoot on location with the Bad Date TV cast and crew.

This could be you… Enter today to win.

Just because a man buys you drinks does that entitle him to more?
August and September

I was still not able to remember his name when we said goodbye, but I didn’t care any more. He was a liar, and not someone I would want in my world. I only saw him one more time — in the pages of a paintball magazine. Four months later, I was at a Barnes and Noble bookstore, looking at dating books for research, and I saw the one and only paintball magazine in the periodicals section. I thumbed through the pages and there was Room #104! Well, I’m pretty sure it was him. The man in the photo wore a helmet with a face guard, but a bit of his red hair was visible, and I’d recognize that body anywhere. At least I knew he didn’t lie about that. Along with the dating books and an Italian Vogue, I bought the paintball magazine – the clerk gave me a quizzical look. I now keep it with my research for the book; it’s my souvenir of the day I became a social scientist.

The day I said goodbye to Room #104, I returned home to find my e-mail inbox and cell phone filled with messages from Neighbor Damon. I was unsure if it was best to call him or ignore him, but he did seem like a nice guy. He just lacked girl-skills and was, obviously, eager. I called him back and agreed to go on a date with him that weekend. Thinking back, I tried to get out of our initial date, but he was very insistent. I gave him brownie points for his willingness to fight to have a date with me.

We went to Mr. Chow, one of my favorite restaurants in Los Angeles. He seemed like a kind man; under his gruff exterior is a man looking for love and companionship – aren’t we all. Although he wore way too much cologne and was a little rough around the edges, we had a few thins in common. We talked about his job at the record label and my own connections within the music industry.

Things were going fine until he asked me to feed him. What? Is he kidding? I thought. He wanted me to feed him pieces of the green shrimp, just like a romantic couple in a movie. It was a very awkward moment, and definitely not romantic. I really just wanted the date to be over, but he’d been so generous, I felt it would be rude to cut things short.

After dinner, he talked me into a nightcap at the Ritz-Carlton. We sat on the big couch in the bar area where I sipped hot tea and he a mixed drink. I was wearing a very tight dress, and I consider panty lines to be a big fashion don’t. Even the Hollywood standard, Cosabella, would be visible. As we are sitting on the couch, he slid his hand across my hip and commented, “You’re not wearing underwear.” I nodded confirmation of his suspicion. If the general public knew just how many women “go commando,” no one would be shocked by my confession.

To be continued…

Just because a man buys you drinks does that entitle him to more?
August and September

Suddenly, his hand went up my skirt, and I forgot all about the stain and germ-ridden bedspread. He was a skilled lover. Perhaps it was just because we knew we would never see one another again, or because he’s watched a lot of porn – within minutes, he made some specific requests that indicated the latter – but the sex was raw and uninhibited. After several hours, we fell asleep; it was around 3:00 a.m. when I awoke. Should I stay, or should I go? He was sound asleep as I snuck out of the room. Safely home, I brushed my teeth, scrubbed my face and got into my bed, glad be there alone.

Feeling the effects of the Cuervo 1800 and my night of debauchery, I got up around 9:00 a.m., having missed yoga. There were three calls from Damon on my cell phone. He had called me the night before, first thing in the morning, and sent me a bunch of emails.

It freaked me out that he was being so aggressive, so I ignored him and went to the gym to sweat out Room #104 and the 1800. On my way home, I wracked my brain to remember Room #104’s name. I felt like such a slut; the horns and tail were surely visible. I had offered to take him to the airport the next day, but I couldn’t remember his room number, either. However I did know my way back to his room, so I went back to the hotel to find him.

Usually cool and calm in most situations, my heart was pounding as I rode up in the elevator and knocked on the door. He was in his room and invited me in. It was awkward; we were both uneasy, but we survived. As we were talking, he told me about his girlfriend back home — the girlfriend that he lives with. I asked him if he has these out-of-town flings and one-night stands all the time. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “No, this is the first time I have ever done anything like this.” I can still his face at that moment, and I’m still sure he was lying. Room #104 was not only a professional paintball player; he was a professional “player,” and I fell for his game. But I was up for the adventure whatever its the outcome.

To be continued…

Just because a man buys you drinks does that entitle him to more?
August and September

We were having an engaging conversation, and I was learning about the world of paintball. After about 30 minutes, a man sat on the other side of me. Everyone at the bar was elbow to elbow. My new neighbor, who introduced himself as Damon, was a tall, heavy-set, olive-skinned, “rico suave” kind of guy, dressed in a hip-hop style with some bling going on. His head was shaved clean, and he a looked a little closer to my age.

Although I was clearly engaged in conversation with another man, Neighbor Damon started talking to me, and I became very aware I was sitting there between two guys, and I was not out to meet men. They were both talking to me, but it did not seem like a pick-up. I was still working on my salad and drink, but I’d given up on the magazine. Damon offered to buy me another tequila. At first I refused, but he continued to insist, so I accepted; it all seemed pretty innocent.

He told me he was a PR person for a hip-hop record label, and, it became clear he was not just being nice. Every time I ordered another drink, he insisted on paying for it, making sure the bartender took his money instead of mine. I thought, hmmm, he’s very aggressive, but he seems nice enough. He lived in the neighborhood, and it’s always nice to have new friends that are local. But really, what was going on? I was just minding my own business, and there I was with these two guys. It was getting late, and I wanted to wake up early for yoga.

The three of us had been chatting for a while when Mr. Paintball said, “Hey, why don’t you come back to my room? I’m staying right next door.” I said, “Okay, I’ll go back to your room.“ His confidence and candor was a major turn on. Plus, he is very successful in the world of paintball, and I’m always attracted to men who excel at things they are passionate about. (I think that is attractive in anyone —male or female.)

I felt bad about leaving Neighbor Damon, who had bought my drinks, but I felt more like I was accepting them to avoid an argument, and Mr. Paintball was very appealing. I thanked Damon for the drinks, gave him my cell phone number and email address, and told him to call me sometime. He promised he would.

It was a very short walk to Mr. Paintball’s hotel. I was not really sure what to expect, and honestly, I was not thinking of sex. Call me naíve, but I did not think he was interested in that either. It just seemed like we were having good conversation and enjoying each other’s company. We took the elevator up to his floor; entered room #104 and, without missing a beat, he kissed me. . I thought, well, that’s not what I expected, maybe I should go. It was not “magic,” but it was good. He was strong and passionate; his body was great — washboard stomach, hairless smooth skin, and he smelled good. I was sure I had sprouted little devil horns and a tail – so much for going straight home.

He lifted me up, and, making his intentions very clear, put me on the bed. I was lying on the hotel bedspread, when I thought, oh god, they never wash these things. Most 4 and 5 stars hotels wash their bedspreads pretty regularly, but this was more like a 2 star hotel – just because it is AAA approved does not always mean they wash them. As I imagined the stomach-turning stains and bodily fluids on that bedspread, there I lay, in my favorite white, designer skirt with a hot guy hovering over me – his tongue in my mouth – worrying about someone’s spilled pizza sauce and worse. I would most likely never see this man again — was he worth ruining my favorite skirt?

To be continued…

Last night I was out for happy hour at a swanky and trendy bar where I met a few guys…

However, and one of them had terribly bad breath, not a good first impression I felt like I needed to be wearing a mask.

OK, there are a number of reasons for halitosis, bad oral hygiene, dehydration etc.

So I’m open to the idea that, yes, bad breath aka halitosis happens, it’s part of life,
but for me, big BUT here – on the initial meeting it just makes me wonder, will his stinky breath be 24/7 – and what happens in the morning, I have to ask myself as a woman who likes to have morning sex, does it get worse, or is it just a matter of brushing and flossing or drinking a glass of water?

Either way I do think it’s important to note the state of your breath.

*And on a side note remember to brush and floss – you never know where you could be waking up in the morning after a hot date.

Why Women Have Sex
By Alyssa Fetini

While figuring out what women want has stumped men for centuries, understanding how they think about sex may have just gotten easier. Cindy Meston and David Buss, psychologists at the University of Texas, interviewed over 1,000 women around the world for their book Why Women Have Sex and managed to come up with 237 reasons, ranging from the predictable — commitment — to the puzzling — curing a headache. Spoiler alert: love may be further down on the list than one might think. TIME spoke to Buss about the myriad mind games, turn-ons and turn-offs involved in female sexuality, and what a guy can do to stand a chance.

We discovered that women’s sexual psychology turned out to be far more complex than we envisioned. [It] deserved an entire book-length treatment. (See photos: “The Best of the Bond Girls”)

What differences between men and women did you notice?
There are important gender differences in sexuality, but these must be interpreted within the context of a high level of similarity. Both women and men have sex because they are physically attracted to the person, for pure pleasure, because they are in love, or simply because they are horny. But within the overall similarity, I’d say women’s sexuality tends to be more linked with love and emotional bonding.

Women, more than men, like sex when there’s some kind of emotional connection. Men were more likely to have sex simply because the opportunity presented itself. Women tend to be pickier, especially for short-term sexual encounters. And men are more motivated to have sex to boost their status among their peers, although some women in our study also had sex for precisely this reason.

(Read more about the chemistry of desire.)

What are the main reasons why women have sex?
The most frequent reasons include: sexual attraction to the person, the desire for physical pleasure, to express affection, to express their love for a person or because they were sexually aroused and wanted release.

Other important reasons are to boost their self-esteem or sexual esteem, to get revenge, to secure “mate insurance” in case a partner dumps them, to relieve pain, to achieve health benefits such as getting rid of a headache — yes, it works — to decrease stress, to lose weight and as a sleep aid. We devote one chapter to “sexual economics,” which focuses on all the ways in which women have sex as an exchange for other benefits, such as getting her partner to take out the garbage, securing free dinners or getting expensive gifts. We also devote one chapter to what we call “the dark side” of women’s sexuality — when women have sex because they were deceived, coerced or forced into it. (See photos: “Same-Sex Overtures Across Species”)

Any particularly surprising findings?
I was surprised by the importance of revenge. A few had sex in order to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease. More commonly, women’s revenge sex involved getting back at a cheating partner, or having sex with the partner of a friend who had poached her partner. Actually, the frequency of mate-poaching also surprised me — the frequency with which women try to lure men who are already “taken,” either for a short-term sexual liaison or a longer-term relationship. Most women have experienced mate-poaching in one form or another, either as the mate poacher or as the victim.

How does evolution explain some of these complexities?
Sexual attraction often boils down to what Darwin called “female choice.” Modern women are the descendants of a long and unbroken line of ancestral mothers who made wise sexual choices. As descendants of these successful women, modern women carry with them the sexual psychology — the ancestral wisdom — that led to the success of their female forebears. So women find cues to health, status and protection to be sexually attractive. These are all qualities that led to better survival and reproductive outcomes. (Read about teen girls and sex.)

On the competition side, evolution by selection is an inherently competitive process. It’s a cliché that “the good men are all taken, permanent bachelors or gay.” And there’s some truth to this. The number of truly desirable and available men is limited. So women are in sexual competition with other women for access to the most desirable men. Modern women are the descendants of ancestral mothers who succeeded in besting other women in these sexual competitions.

What physical features do women tend to find most attractive in men?
Body is important to women. Women are sexually attracted to men with a V-shaped torso, or a high shoulder-to-hip ratio, and men who are taller than average. Interestingly, women do not like muscle-bound men, and men misperceive how muscular women want them to be. The face is also critical. A symmetrical face is a health cue, as are a good head of hair and masculine features such a strong jaw and a deep voice. Women generally don’t find feminine-looking or feminine-sounding men to be sexually attractive.

What advice could you give to the men out there not blessed with Michael Phelps’ torso and George Clooney’s face? What can they do to stay in the game?
Have good hygiene. Sense of smell is critical. A man who smells bad, or who has bad breath — that can be a sexual kill switch for women. Interestingly, women have a keener sense of smell than men, so men are sometimes oblivious to how bad they smell to women. A man’s scent conveys critical information to women about a man’s health status.
The other thing to note about what women find sexually attractive centers on cues that convey personality, sense of humor, self-confidence and social status. These things can transform an average-looking man into a sexually attractive man in the minds of many women.

News Source Time.com

I’ve had some pretty noisy roommates as well… Interesting policy/ban the college has put into effect!

But in the end it really does come down to basic respect…

Boston-area college bans sex with roommate around

By RUSSELL CONTRERAS (AP)

BOSTON — Sex in a Tufts University dorm is fine. Sex in a Tufts dorm with your roommate present? That’s a no-no.

This semester, the school has a new policy banning sexual activity while a roommate is in the same room. Kim Thurler, a Tufts University spokeswoman, said the school issued the new rule after a dozen or so complaints in the past three years.

“It’s really about respect and consideration, and it’s a question of how roommates utilized their space,” Thurler said.

The new policy concerning overnight guests reads: “You may not engage in sexual activity while your roommate is present in the room.” It mentions no consequences if the rule is broken, however.

Thurler maintains the new policy is not about regulating students’ behavior, rather getting roommates talking about the issue of space with each other. She said the policy is aimed at the school’s 5,000 undergraduates.

Alyza DelPan-Monley, 20, a junior philosophy major, agreed that the policy is more about showing respect for roommates than limiting sexual activity.

“I’ve been fortunate that I’ve had good experiences with my roommates,” said DelPan-Monley. “But this is there for people who can’t communicate with their roommates.”

Freshman Jon Levinson, 18, said he was bothered by it and believed discussions about dorm-room sex etiquette should be kept between roommates.

“I don’t believe it’s the university’s place to determine what goes on in a room,” said Levinson. “Personally, I wouldn’t want to have sex in front of my roommate, and my roommate wouldn’t want to have sex in front of me.”

Levinson said he didn’t think it that many students viewed it as a problem and wondered why the school came up with the policy with just a handful of cases.

Bruce Ratain, 20, a junior political science major, said he was concerned how the school’s Office of Residential Life and Learning implemented the policy without student input.

“It would have been preferable if this decision had come out of a more inclusive and collaborative process,” said Ratain, a senator in the Tufts Community Union, the school’s student council.

Policies at universities and colleges concerning dorm room sex vary. Some Catholic universities prohibit opposite-sex “cohabitation” and sleepovers in dorms, while Harvard University’s student handbook prohibits any “serious or persistent unwanted sexual conduct.”

Efforts to regulate on students’ sexual behavior drew national attention to Antioch College in Ohio — now closed — in 1993. Antioch’s “Sexual Offense Prevention Policy” required students to ask permission from one another if they wanted to have sexual contact, including holding hands.

James Baumann, a spokesman for the Association of College and University Housing Officers-International, said it was unusual for a university to create a rule specifically banning sexual activity in the presence of a roommate.

“That’s the first I’ve heard of such a policy,” said Baumann.

DelPan-Monley compared the new policy to “quiet hours” when roommates are required to keep music, talking and television noise to a minimum out of respect to those studying for exams. “There are so many rules we have to follow,” said DelPan-Monley. “But people don’t always follow them.”

News source: google.com/hostednews/ap/article