By Jennifer Kelton

It was 2:44 A.M. when, for the third night in a row, I woke up with beyond extreme pain (the kind I would not wish on my worst enemy) from a root canal that I had just had days before. As I shuffled, with my bed head hair, blurry eyes and freshly washed fluffy white slippers, to the dark bathroom for some pain reliever in a child proof safety capped bottle, it was all too obvious how much it sucks, and at times is particularly scary, to have this level of intense pain alone. That is, except for the daily phone check-ins with my ever supportive and unconditionally loving mom and an emergency call to the Endodontist that had performed the not so pleasant dental procedure on Thursday.

Saturday was spent on the couch with an ice pack, an overdose of Advil, an Ativan hangover and watching back-to-back Season 1 episodes of Jersey Shore on MTV. I have never actually watched the show and I was curious as to what all the hype was about…

To put it in Mike’s aka “The Situation’s” words it’s about “GTL” which translates to “gym, tanning and laundry.”

I thought about this with my frozen, ice packed swollen face. It really comes down to the guys aka “Guidos” looking ripped, tanned and getting coiffed out in tacky Ed Hardy as a way to get girls. By the way, for the most part, the show is basically just about drinking and hooking-up.

According to the Urban Dictionary this is the exact definition of GTL:

The process of staying fresh and mint. Stands for “Gym, tan, laundry.” Must be done everyday to achieve maximum potential. Side effects include fist pumping. Coined by the eloquent Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from MTV’s groundbreaking Jersey Shore.

You gotta GTL everyday to make sure you’re looking your best bro. If your shirt looks bad it makes the whole product look bad.

This morning after taking Advil and antibiotics and still feeling pretty beat-up from a weekend of pain I checked the spam folder on my personal e-mail account and it was filled with way too many messages from Match.com; a site which I have not been a member of for well over two years now.

I will say, as I looked at the numerous e-mails, it made me realize how nice it would be to have a boyfriend at times like this in order to feel that kind of love. Despite what Mike “The Situation” may think — it’s not just about GTL (gym, tan and laundry) in life, it’s about love. Love is not just a drug — love also heals.

Hum, I just may start dating again…

By Jessica Downey

As someone who has been dating on the internet since before dating on the internet was the thing to do I can honestly say that things have come a long way. There are dating sites to meet millionaires, people of the same religious background and even the most “beautiful” people in the world. Actually you can even meet people to have an affair with. In addition to dating sites people can even use social networking sites like Twitter or Facebook to meet and date people (I admit it, I have done it). So yeah, it’s safe to say it’s fairly easy to meet someone.

It is funny though that the exact things that have been invented to help bring the world together are also the things that are causing us to separate from each other (that is from actual human interaction).

There seems to be this idea that if you haven’t actually met each other then maybe you don’t really matter all that much. I’ve often found myself thinking “who am I, just some girl from the internet” as I am chatting with a man I have yet to meet (actually to be technical I’ve found myself saying it to them as well). It seems logical, I mean, who am I really? I am a screename on Twitter or a profile on a dating site or five random pictures that I have posted on my profile.

A few days ago a guy sent me a message on Twitter asking what I was up to later that day. We exchanged a few messages and agreed we should meet up for a drink sometime. Next thing I knew he was asking for my Blackberry pin (not my phone number) so he could BBM (Blackberry Messenger) me. Then a few days later I noticed he was sending the same type of messages to other women. How did this guy think that I wouldn’t notice? Honestly, I wonder if he even thought about it.

I have also had several instances where I have been chatting with a guy from the internet and had him ask for my phone number only to turn around and text me. He didn’t text just to set up a date, but to have an actual conversation. Why not just pick up the phone and call me?

Then we have Four Square. About a month ago I was waiting for a guy at my place only to find out he was checking in to sushi with his friends on Four Square (oops). Apparently Four Square (and all of Twitter) needed to know where he was before the woman that was waiting for him to show up.

Now, I know that I probably shouldn’t let these things bother me, but fact of the matter is I am a human being and with that comes a certain amount of feelings (even if I like it or not). Even if we meet a way that doesn’t utilize human interaction that doesn’t change the fact that I am still a human being.

There are certain things that I don’t want to see on the internet anymore than I want to see in person (like you sending out mass messages to every hot girl amongst your followers). There are also things that I don’t want to find out via the internet but that I would rather find out with a phone call (like you have to cancel a date because you were tied up with friends).

Bottom line is just because I am “some girl from the internet” doesn’t erase the fact that I am a human being with actual feelings.

Jessica Downey is a freelance writer who lives in Chicago who writes about dating and life as a single woman. She currently writes for ChicagoNow.com and has written for Examiner.com

By Lauren Indvik at Mashable.com

Ever had such a bad date that venting to your friends just wasn’t satisfying enough? Well, you might want to check out BadOnlineDates.com.

The world of online dating is exciting, ridiculous, comical and sometimes depressing. No matter how carefully you screen your dates, veterans know that you’re going to eventually end up with a bad one. Still, if you’re fortunate, you’ll end up with at least a few hilarious stories.

BadOnlineDates.com is a social networking site for online singles to share, laugh and commiserate about their awful dating experiences. Users can set up individual blogs, join chat rooms, and post photos and videos.

Recently, the site launched a free iPhone app [iTunes link], perfect for not only venting about your bad date while you take yet another long bathroom break, but theoretically for getting advice from other members of the site while you’re out and about.

You’ll have to be patient, though, as the only way to communicate with others on the app is by posting to your blog; chat features have not yet been integrated.

Read more here Mashable.com.

By Jessica Downey

Technology has become a convenient way to do many things. You can quickly text a friend to let them know you are running late if you are on a crowded noisy bus. If you forgot to send an email before you left the house to go out of town you can do it while you are waiting at the airport. Social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook are equally awesome. Where else can you get news, talk to people from across the globe, and get in touch with people you haven’t seen in years?

However, some people seem to take this whole technology thing too far and don’t realize how completely impersonal it can be. Technology is kind of like having eight shots of tequila right in a row at the bar – it enables you to do things that you normally might not do if you were sitting with the person face to face. The reason? You don’t really have to face the consequences.

Let’s take chatting with a woman from an internet dating site for example. All too often I have had conversations where a guy is trying to flash me his penis and then describing (in very graphic detail) what he would do to me with that penis if he had five minutes of my time. It’s pretty rare that anyone would meet a woman randomly at a coffee shop or the grocery store and flash her (people tend to frown on that sort of thing).

Fighting with your significant other has now been taken over by technology as well. Not too long ago the whole Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy fight over Twitter was all the rage. Then a blogger friend of mine recently wrote about an article in the New York Times about couples fighting on Facebook. Apparently for a couple (in their early twenties) this was a great way to air out their frustrations and even their friends could join in. Of course this is the same age group that thinks interrupting sex with a text is just fine, but that’s a whole other story.

Then let’s definitely not forget about break-ups. I have read countless articles on the tactful way to break it off with someone on Facebook or through email. I wasn’t even aware there was a tactful way. How about you just use another method to end a relationship? You know like in person or at least over the phone. And do I really even need to go into that whole status change thing? I mean, really, I can’t think of a more disrespectful way to end things.

Of course I am writing all of this while I am frustrated with a guy who doesn’t seem to know how to text a girl back (which is the polite thing to do for those of you that are keeping track). Sure, I understand that people sometimes lose interest. However, a text that simply says just that is equally polite in my book.

The bottom line is it seems all too often we are starting to forget that there is a person attached to these texts (or Facebook or Twitter accounts). And that the person has a little something called feelings. While technology is great (hello, I can admit I am an avid fan of my Blackberry) the simple fact is there are certain things that technology was never really meant to replace.

Jessica Downey is a freelance writer who lives in Chicago who writes about dating and life as a single woman. She currently writes for ChicagoNow.com and has written for Examiner.com

By Jennifer Kelton

It’s estimated about 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage. Womensavers.com (Hello, Ashleymadison.com)

While it’s extremely difficult to get the precise numbers, I can say that unfortunately, unknowingly, and very much to my Brazilian waxed vaginal dismay I became part of 2009’s infidelity statistic. This unequivocally and absolutely goes against every grain of my moral, cellular and ethical being. And now my poor unsuspecting adulterous vagina — I just found out about this sexual and dishonorable tidbit of information last night over a Guinness beer at one of my favorite local Irish pubs.

I don’t remember the exact day, but what I do remember is that it was one of those typical warm California Summer nights — I recall feeling salty, sandy, and tanned from spending the afternoon at the beach, despite having taken a shower before heading out for food and cocktails. I was wearing black short shorts, brown equestrian style boots, and a vintage western blouse as I breezily went for sushi happy hour at an extremely trendy Venice Beach hot spot.

Once there, I ended up bumping into a local guy/friend that I once casually dated and his other friends at the bar. The guy I used to date had one friend who just so happened to be tall, dark and devilishly handsome. I was attracted to him immediately and the more he flirted with me the more charming and engaging he became.

The possibility of romance going further than the bar was absolutely the gigantic cartoonish caption bubble hovering over my captivated swooning head – A devilishly handsome flirty guy along with his tempting wooing ways was just too impossible to be true. However, he was I’d like to blank your brains out too hot to ignore.

As we all finished up at the bar, devilishly handsome guy invited me back to his swanky shoreline Santa Monica hotel for cocktails and while at the hotel’s bar the flirting became more sexual, but I was not objecting — perhaps he is “the one”?

Our heated exchange went on for about an hour and then he authoritatively asked for and paid our tab while simultaneously asking me if I wanted to go to his room. I’m not naive and figured that once getting there, I would go only as far as I wanted (sex wise). Immediately, when we got into the room he ordered a really good bottle of wine and it did not take long before we were on the bed kissing, clothes off, and having sex.

One thing that really pops out in my mind (no pun intended) was his forcefulness as he pushed my head to his “head” which in retrospect now seems to be overtly selfish behavior on his behalf. And what I now know became to be a one night stand with a married man.

He got up quickly right after he came and went to take a shower, as I laid there for a fast minute I knew I had to leave — something was not right. As I put my clothes back on, I wondered if I should leave my business card or my number on the hotel notepad. I opted not to and left quickly while he was still in the shower. I could see the steam drifting out from the slight crack in the pristine five-star hotel door….

To be continued.

By Jennifer Kelton

Since I’m on the subject of the good old days…

Penis…

I have to admit, other than being flashed online via Skype, it’s been about five months since I’ve seen one in the flesh.

It was back in December of 2009 and I met him at an English pub that’s close to my house and after too many glasses of cheap happy hour white wine we ended up in a women’s bathroom stall kissing like sweaty teenagers. Actually, I later found out he was pretty young (only 28) and while he was/is a super sweet guy in the end he’s just too young (I’m 44).

Even with as much fun as we had dating casually, at some point past his make-out skills, we just fizzled mostly because of the age difference between us.

The last time I saw him I remember him moving in for a good night kiss which left me just feeling like “mommy” (not a turn on) and 28-year-old guy went home minus a kiss goodnight and I no longer felt like “mommy”.

Fast forward to this morning when I was reading an article about how chimpanzees mourn their dead, which happens to be extremely similar to us. They also have 96% of the same genes. nationalgeographic.com

So what does this have to do with Part Two of the last Sex, Skype and Technology post?

A lot, since it also has to do with human behavior — as much as we try to escape the base of our DNA, it’s just impossible!

Did you know that male chimpanzees do most of the hunting for meat in joint groups of 1-35?

The kill is shared with their friends and allies and is also a way to gain sex.

Sex is what so much of life is based around. Really lets be real here, so much of life comes
back to sex.

Just take a look at sex in advertising. I’m not sure of the exact stats but my guess is at least 90% of it is geared towards selling you a product that will “help” you entice and attract the opposite sex. This is something that dates back to the 1800’s in ads for saloons, tonics, and tobacco…

Let’s face it sex sells.

This morning after my morning run, which is not only for my sanity but also for the fight against gravity on my body, and not just for me but because I want to be in shape and minus any muffin tops for that make-out session with the next penis I encounter.

I digress; also this morning I saw the latest TV commercial with Holly, aka Bad Date Betty who is one of the stars of Bad Date TV, for Wienerschnitzel.

200 years later sex still sells, but you know what? I still don’t want to see penises on Skype.

Wienerschnitzel “79 cent corn dog”