By Kari DePhillips

Across the globe, people young and old engage in the elaborate social ritual known as “dating.” However, what that means can vary from country to country. As a result, it’s important to arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible – especially if you’re into accents. For example:

In Britain, men are far less likely to write love poems and make other romantic gestures. Instead, a Brit often purchases sexy lingerie for the woman of his dreams. And that’s probably where she’ll stay, if he doesn’t stop buying a thong instead of roses every time he does something wrong.

Don’t expect to get lucky on the first date in South Korea. It might take up to two months for a Korean couple to exchange even a kiss on the cheek. A long-term relationship might include some action, but only after a year or longer. How long do you wait before doing the deed?

In Thailand, dating isn’t just between a guy and a girl. If a couple decides to start dating, they’ll bring along family members and discuss a wide variety of issues, from politics to business. Thai people like to be educated and well versed in many different topics, and want to impress both their potential partner and their entire extended family. Oh, the pressure!

In some parts of India, dating only begins after marriage has been arranged by the couple’s parents. When the happy couple meets for the first time, they are expected to accept or reject the person within days of meeting, if not that very same day…and you thought Thai dating was stressful!

If you’re a man in Spain, get used to holding doors. And ladies, don’t offer to pay. Not only is it expected that he’ll treat, you might even offend him. Gender roles are considered a time-honored tradition throughout Spain. Invitations to a date are often very formal, and the date itself may come only after meeting your crush’s entire family. North of Spain lies Sweden, where women are expected to take the initiative. They’re responsible for getting the phone number and making the first move, usually by text.

Australians are known for being exceedingly fair. Blokes and sheilas tend to go halfsies on dates. Of course, equality applies to drinking as well, since women as well as men are expected to purchase rounds for the entire drinking party.

Where do you stand on the gender divide? Should men pay on dates, or should they split it equally? Is it chivalrous or insulting when a man opens the door for a woman? Let us know in the comments section – in the meantime, I’ll be packing my bags for Spain.

By Kimberly Wharton

So I signed up for an online dating service, since all my friends back home said I had to try it. They assured me it was mostly nice guys who simply haven’t had the time to meet women. I later learned this means some of them may not have actually SEEN a woman, unless they were online or in anime. ….I also learned that my friends down south no nothing about men in Los Angeles.

I had mentioned in my profile that I was currently trying to pursue a career in stand-up. This guy, who was quite attractive, popped up. He told me he had made his living in stand-up, and that he had never had to do anything else. He said he’d love to help out a new comedian, maybe help me with my act and give me some guidance.

This was how I learned what ‘guidance’ means in L.A. We plan on seeing a musical about stand-up comedians that I’d heard about. After coming to my front door several times to see if he was there, our bell didn’t work, I finally saw him at about ten after. I opened the door, and at the bottom of my steps, about to walk away was a man…not anything like his picture let me add…which was probably taken ten years earlier, but I digress…he looked pissed.

I called out his name to make sure it was him. He said, yes…he’d been knocking for ten minutes and assumed I’d stood him up. I apologized for not hearing him, and quickly took inside his bottle of wine and potted plant he had brought for me.

We got into his car (Ladies…never do this!) and headed out. The opening number of the show, he grabs my face and sticks his tongue down my throat…which I don’t think is very appropriate during live theater. We also had known each other for about ten minutes.

He then proceeds to take every opportunity during the show to try again. He didn’t stop there, there was ample caressing of my legs and hands, and…let’s just say by the end of the show, he had tried several times to put his hand in my crotch. After the show he asks me if I’m hungry. Just wanting to get home, I say no. He says, “Do you mind if I just swing through taco bell then?” I don’t have a problem with that, so I say, “that’s fine.” He orders. He says, “Can we just swing by my house so I can eat this?” I say, “Where do you live?” He says, “Just around the corner.” …and I stupidly answer…ok.

His apt. is amazing. He has ukuleles all around his living room. He uses them in his act. He eats. I ask about the ukuleles. He begins to teach me some chords. Every time I mess up he gets really angry. A show comes on TV that he’s the warm up act for. He says, “We have to watch it, this one’s great.” We watch. He immediately lays back and begins to grind his crotch up and down…I guess that’s his preparation dance for funny television comedies.

He begins to suck my toes. …I clutch the ukulele to my body. He wants me to wipe the saliva around his face…yes…I did just say that. He then tells me to come to him. The ukulele remains my protective gear. I immediately say, “Drive me home”, just as he whips out his junk.

I assumed, and hoped I’d never hear from him…but he’s called me four times since. The last time I accidentally answered. He said, “Why aren’t you calling me back? I figured I’d give you one last chance and that’s it.” I’m not quite sure how a 37 year old man doesn’t get the hint…but I haven’t called him back.

Oh I failed to mention that at one point I told him I was gonna kick him in the balls. He said, “Please do, I like that”…turns out, he did!

…the search continues.

priority seat
Source flickr

Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?
You give me something I can hold onto
I know you think I’m like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall
-Jenny/867-5309 Tommy Tutone

By Jack Elliot

The walls of the underground bar are chalkboard, completely blank- great areas of empty space waiting to be filled with aphorisms, insights, pictures, lists, portraits, messages, games of tic-tac-toe and hangman- blank canvases for any customer who desires to leave his or her mark. As a denizen of this chic new speakeasy-esque bar, I have had a great deal of time to observe the scrawlings, etchings, and musings of the public who stumble in and out on a regular basis. Being located in the heart of Santa Monica, a place often celebrated for its art and culture, wouldn’t one expect nothing but prolific eloquence, beauty, and perhaps even avant-garde cubism to sprout unendingly across the walls, as a testament to the brilliance of the city’s collective mind?

Alas, this does not seem to be the case. Since the walls are cleaned everyday by the bar staff, I have had the chance to witness the limitless potential of the chalkboards’ blank space become riddled with an onslaught of banal commentary (i.e. for free ASS call 867-5309) mammary glands, and most of all, phallic symbols- which only become more obscene and ubiquitous as the late night hours pile on and on. Although there’s the occasional inspirational quote or drawing peppered here and there (Tommy Tutone lyrics aside), by nine o’clock on a Saturday (needless to say, this is after the public has finished making love to their tonic and gin) these quotes are usually wiped out of existence by the myriad giant scrotum superimposed over them. Which then begs the question: Santa Monica, what is on your mind?

Should these scrawlings be considered a celebration of our nation’s sexual liberation? Should we laud and praise (perhaps even worship?) the phallic symbols- as a testament to the shedding of our puritanical values? Or rather, should we sympathize, commiserate, and buy rounds of drinks for these tortured artists, desperately trying to communicate the feelings of their most secret hearts? Or perhaps we should be alarmed, and interpret the caveman like etchings as a sign of the juvenile stagnation and arrested development of our nation’s collective imagination? Or should we just join in the fun and add hairs to the various genitalia, in an attempt to at least add some realism to the work (for artistic credibility, of course).

Regardless of the reasons behind and the interpretations of the artwork, one thing is clear: it is not an insignificant amount of the general drinking age public that still stands in pubescent-like fascination of the birds and the bees. Sigmund Freud, next rounds on you. And could some turn up that Tommy Tutone?

By Jennifer Kelton

That’s why he didn’t call.

One week after avoiding two of my favorite local happy hour spots, I’m sitting at one of them, drinking a $4 happy hour draught, surrounded by dark mahogany. It’s the local Irish Pub. I’m on a first-name basis with the bartenders, here. I’m sitting on my bar stool, praying to God that he (Mr. Guy- Who-Didn’t Call) doesn’t walk in.

Have you ever felt the need to go on a “Dating Fast?” That’s exactly what I did. Not by choice, but for mental survival from December 2009 until now—August 2010.

It was seven months of not wondering why he’s not calling, texting and/or e-mailing. Instead, I focused on my company, which gives me plenty to think about on a day-to-day basis; spammers, scammers, bots, bugs, bills, content, rep management, PR, programmers, SEO, marketing, monetization, analytics… well, you get the corporate picture of being a one-woman business.

Falling off the dating wagon and my Man Fast seemed like a good idea at the time. But now? Not so much. You know that old saying “what you think, you will attract?” That’s exactly what I did—and it happened. Aka the Laws of Attraction.

I met a smart, funny, cute guy, made out with him and developed a major crush! I suppose after being on a Man Fast for seven months it was easy to develop feelings quickly, and he had a lot of those great qualities I was looking for—or so it seemed: until he didn’t call, text or e-mail.

Mr. Guy Who Didn’t Call turned into a major distraction. A few tears and tequila shots later, I decided to ask the bartender to tell me the “12 reasons that guys don’t call back.”

And this is what he said: (After remarking, “12 is pushing it.”)
1. He was really drunk and compromising.
2. He didn’t have an interesting night.
3. Bad kisser. (But I try to not kiss people that I’m not attracted to so…)
4. Bad sex.
5. Bottom line is: if he’s not calling, it’s because he thinks it’s not worth it, and he doesn’t care about you.

He’s right. If he’s not calling, it’s because he doesn’t care about you, and that’s a good reason to stop worrying and thinking about why he’s not calling.

But, you know, I was pondering what the bartender said when I was out running, and I realized that it hurts to feel like “someone doesn’t care,” because it makes me feel alone. I can honestly say during my seven-month Dating Fast, I have felt alone only once and that was just a few weeks ago when I had my root canal.

What do you think, girls? Do you feel alone when he doesn’t call? And guys, I’d love to know why you don’t call back!

Women prefer men in red, study shows
By the CNN Wire Staff

CNN) — Men on the prowl for a date may want to add red to their wardrobe.

A new multicultural study shows red is no longer just a sexy color for women. Men in red are considered just as appealing.

Women in China, the United States, England and Germany said they found men pictured wearing red, or surrounded by the color, more sexually attractive.

Women consider men in red as higher in status and more likely to climb the social ladder, according to Andrew Elliot, the lead author and professor of psychology at the University of Rochester.

The perception of high status is what leads to the attraction, he says.
Despite the cultural differences among women surveyed, the results were consistent, according to the study.

However, researchers said, the color only enhanced perceptions of status and romance, but not did not make the man seem more likable and kind.

“Women’s romantic preferences are of great interest … and although the popular media often portrays female sexuality as a mystery, scientific research has revealed several factors that influence women’s attraction to men,” the study says.

Authors attributed the color’s appeal to its historic use as a symbol of wealth and status. It is used in bold body paintings and necklaces in rituals and ceremonies in various cultures, including the Masai in east Africa.

“In primitive societies, sacred objects were painted or coated in red to enhance their potency and convey a sense of great importance,” the study says.

“In ancient China, Japan, and sub-Saharan Africa, red was viewed as a symbol of prosperity and high status. Classical Romans called the most powerful men ‘ “the ones who wear red.’ ”

The red effect was limited to women’s perception of men. Color did not make a difference when men rated the appeal of another male.

Authors conducted seven experiments, including the effect of red and white on a man’s attractiveness.
The study was published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.

CNN

What are your thoughts are you more attracted to a man wearing red?

By Jennifer Kelton

It was 2:44 A.M. when, for the third night in a row, I woke up with beyond extreme pain (the kind I would not wish on my worst enemy) from a root canal that I had just had days before. As I shuffled, with my bed head hair, blurry eyes and freshly washed fluffy white slippers, to the dark bathroom for some pain reliever in a child proof safety capped bottle, it was all too obvious how much it sucks, and at times is particularly scary, to have this level of intense pain alone. That is, except for the daily phone check-ins with my ever supportive and unconditionally loving mom and an emergency call to the Endodontist that had performed the not so pleasant dental procedure on Thursday.

Saturday was spent on the couch with an ice pack, an overdose of Advil, an Ativan hangover and watching back-to-back Season 1 episodes of Jersey Shore on MTV. I have never actually watched the show and I was curious as to what all the hype was about…

To put it in Mike’s aka “The Situation’s” words it’s about “GTL” which translates to “gym, tanning and laundry.”

I thought about this with my frozen, ice packed swollen face. It really comes down to the guys aka “Guidos” looking ripped, tanned and getting coiffed out in tacky Ed Hardy as a way to get girls. By the way, for the most part, the show is basically just about drinking and hooking-up.

According to the Urban Dictionary this is the exact definition of GTL:

The process of staying fresh and mint. Stands for “Gym, tan, laundry.” Must be done everyday to achieve maximum potential. Side effects include fist pumping. Coined by the eloquent Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from MTV’s groundbreaking Jersey Shore.

You gotta GTL everyday to make sure you’re looking your best bro. If your shirt looks bad it makes the whole product look bad.

This morning after taking Advil and antibiotics and still feeling pretty beat-up from a weekend of pain I checked the spam folder on my personal e-mail account and it was filled with way too many messages from Match.com; a site which I have not been a member of for well over two years now.

I will say, as I looked at the numerous e-mails, it made me realize how nice it would be to have a boyfriend at times like this in order to feel that kind of love. Despite what Mike “The Situation” may think — it’s not just about GTL (gym, tan and laundry) in life, it’s about love. Love is not just a drug — love also heals.

Hum, I just may start dating again…

By Jessica Downey

As someone who has been dating on the internet since before dating on the internet was the thing to do I can honestly say that things have come a long way. There are dating sites to meet millionaires, people of the same religious background and even the most “beautiful” people in the world. Actually you can even meet people to have an affair with. In addition to dating sites people can even use social networking sites like Twitter or Facebook to meet and date people (I admit it, I have done it). So yeah, it’s safe to say it’s fairly easy to meet someone.

It is funny though that the exact things that have been invented to help bring the world together are also the things that are causing us to separate from each other (that is from actual human interaction).

There seems to be this idea that if you haven’t actually met each other then maybe you don’t really matter all that much. I’ve often found myself thinking “who am I, just some girl from the internet” as I am chatting with a man I have yet to meet (actually to be technical I’ve found myself saying it to them as well). It seems logical, I mean, who am I really? I am a screename on Twitter or a profile on a dating site or five random pictures that I have posted on my profile.

A few days ago a guy sent me a message on Twitter asking what I was up to later that day. We exchanged a few messages and agreed we should meet up for a drink sometime. Next thing I knew he was asking for my Blackberry pin (not my phone number) so he could BBM (Blackberry Messenger) me. Then a few days later I noticed he was sending the same type of messages to other women. How did this guy think that I wouldn’t notice? Honestly, I wonder if he even thought about it.

I have also had several instances where I have been chatting with a guy from the internet and had him ask for my phone number only to turn around and text me. He didn’t text just to set up a date, but to have an actual conversation. Why not just pick up the phone and call me?

Then we have Four Square. About a month ago I was waiting for a guy at my place only to find out he was checking in to sushi with his friends on Four Square (oops). Apparently Four Square (and all of Twitter) needed to know where he was before the woman that was waiting for him to show up.

Now, I know that I probably shouldn’t let these things bother me, but fact of the matter is I am a human being and with that comes a certain amount of feelings (even if I like it or not). Even if we meet a way that doesn’t utilize human interaction that doesn’t change the fact that I am still a human being.

There are certain things that I don’t want to see on the internet anymore than I want to see in person (like you sending out mass messages to every hot girl amongst your followers). There are also things that I don’t want to find out via the internet but that I would rather find out with a phone call (like you have to cancel a date because you were tied up with friends).

Bottom line is just because I am “some girl from the internet” doesn’t erase the fact that I am a human being with actual feelings.

Jessica Downey is a freelance writer who lives in Chicago who writes about dating and life as a single woman. She currently writes for ChicagoNow.com and has written for Examiner.com