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Who: You!

When: November 1st, 2011 to November 29th, 2011

How: BadOnlineDates.com is holding a contest for the VERY worst Bad Online Date. Register for free on BadOnlineDates and tell us you personal bad date story to win. Be sure to include (BadOnlineDates) in your header for your entry to count — you can also post your bad date story in real time while on that special date using the BadOnlineDates’ official Baddates app available for your iPhone or iPad and for free on iTunes.

You can also post your #Badonlinedates tweets via Twitter to be entered into the random drawing for a new iPod.

The BOD staff will pick the worst Bad Online Date Story by random drawing.

Winner will be announced after November 30th, 2011. No purchase necessary. Winner will be contacted via email.

Because some bad date dating moments are just that special!

Do You Have a Bad Date Dreadful Drunken Date Story?
Did your last online date show up drunk as a skunk, or blackout at the bar leaving you with the entire tab, was she or he a sloppy drunk?

Do you need to place to vent about your disaster dates gin breath?

Tell us you dreadful and disastrous bad date drunken dating stories and connect with others.

You can post from your iPhone or iPad in real time with the BadDates iPhone app. Apple iTunes

Because some bad date dating moments are just that special!

Sloppy Drunk Girl – Share Your (Drunken) Bad Date Story

By Kelly Seal

I got suckered into another Match.com subscription, falling for the good-looking guys I’d seen in the promotional email. But once I joined I didn’t hear from them. Instead, the balding late-forties divorcees were responding to my ad, with emails like:

“I like ur pix. Wanna chat?”

I guess it was too much to ask for online men to avoid text speak. Just when I was about to log off out of frustration, a new email from John72 came through. One with real words and complete sentences. My heart soared.

I looked at John72’s profile. He was in his thirties and had never been married. He was a good-looking guy with a nice smile, which I’d come to appreciate. I’d noticed that many online guys liked to pose in the following ways:

A. Next to their expensive cars (or likely a friend’s car)
B. Shirtless, to show off the fact that they work out and are slightly vain about it
C. In a group photo, so that you could mistake him for his hot friend in the foreground, when really he’s the geeky Hawaiian shirt-clad guy in the back
D. In a photo with another woman (likely an ex) who has been cropped out, save for the bits of blonde hair still resting on his shoulder.

But John posted a normal picture with no props, extra people or gratuitous body parts. I responded right away. After a few flirtatious emails back and forth, we agreed to meet at a bar downtown called “The Bitter End”. I liked his sense of irony.

He agreed to meet me on a Tuesday evening after work. I wore a new outfit, which got me a lot of compliments at the office like, “wow, you clean up nice” and “do you have a job interview later?” Note to self: dress better for work.

I found the restroom at The Bitter End quickly, applied more lipstick and made sure my mascara hadn’t smudged. I was nervous. I took a deep breath, reminding myself that this was only a brief drink with a man I didn’t even know. There was nothing to lose. I swung the door open with a new surge of confidence, surveying my surroundings. I hadn’t noticed how empty the bar was when I first entered. Aside from the two guys playing pool and one older man slouched over the bar, I was the only one there. The Bitter End indeed. I decided to order a drink and check my voicemail.

John72 came up behind me a few minutes later, blaming his tardiness on the parking situation. I turned around to see a man with a flushed face and wearing a bright red shirt. He was also sporting a thin head of hair. Thinner than the picture I’d gazed upon at least ten times, just to make sure I knew who I was meeting. I smiled, covering my surprise. “That’s okay. Nice to meet you,” I offered.

“I don’t know about this online dating thing,” he said after ordering a beer. He sighed heavily. “My friend at work convinced me to do it.” He laughed and looked at me for agreement, as though we were co-conspirators. I hated it when men pretended that online dating was the last thing they needed. Why bother signing up if you can pick up women so easily? But I would give him a chance.

“I shouldn’t admit this but I haven’t dated much the past few years,” he continued. “I had a girlfriend for about five years, but she really screwed me over.”

“How long ago did you break up?” I asked.

“Three years ago,” he admitted, looking away. “I know that sounds like a long time, but it took me a long time to trust women again. She was a complete bitch.”

Three years? “I guess since you’re on Match you’re over her now?” I didn’t really want to have the ex-girlfriend conversation, but he’d started it.

“Totally. She’s a fucking piece of work. No thanks.”

I tried to change the subject, but the next hour felt like a therapy session, only I was the therapist and wouldn’t be getting a fat check at the end. He seethed when he spoke about her, as though it only happened last week. I had to escape.

“She threw my things out the window from our second story apartment! When I pulled up to the place, I saw my shirts, dishes, movies, everything in broken piles across the alley. Then she acts like nothing happened. She was completely nuts.”

I nodded my head sympathetically for as long as I could. Then I decided to bolt. “I’m sorry to run out,” I said getting up and downing the rest of my beer. “But I have an early morning tomorrow. I better get home. Nice meeting you.” I reached out to shake his hand before he got any romantic ideas.

“You seem like a nice person,” he said leaning over to kiss my cheek. “I mean, you don’t seem crazy like most women. I’d like to take you out again.”

Seriously? John72 had spent the last hour bitching, and thought I’d be into another night of doing the same? Plus, he called my gender crazy, based on the actions of his ex girlfriend? No thanks. Life is too short. Dating should be more fun.

My encounter with John72 taught me that I would never, ever turn my dates into venting sessions, or stereotype men based on a few lousy experiences or angry ex boyfriends. Also, it was a reminder that exes are best left in the past.

By Jess Downey – Not What I Ordered

A few years ago I met a guy through speed dating. Our first two dates went pretty well. He was really sweet and we had a lot in common. And we were really attracted to each other.

On our third date we decided to meet up for dinner at a restaurant near my apartment. He had been out of town on business for a few days but we had kept in contact while he was away. We even sent a few flirty texts to each other.

It was about halfway through dinner when he started talking about how he had done a lot of thinking while he was away. Apparently he had decided during this time that he was really ready to have a kid and that he realized that it was time to make one. As he kept talking I realized that he was suggesting that we make a baby together.

I gently let him down. Clearly I wasn’t ready to have a baby in general, much less with a guy I had just met. He seemed okay with my decision and we went ahead and finished our dinner.

We left the restaurant and decided to take a little walk (I realize now that I should have just went home after dinner). As we were walking he started talking about the baby thing again. I reassured him that I had not changed my mind in the past couple of hours. So he started pointing out women that were attractive while saying that perhaps they would like to make a baby with him. And when I say he was saying, I more meant screaming so everyone walking past could hear him. Actually, I believe he came right out and asked a couple of women if they were interested.

And then I thought it was a good time for me to exit.

The best part is, a few days later I received a text from him telling me he wasn’t interested in me and that I shouldn’t contact him ever again. I hadn’t even contacted him since the date and obviously I wasn’t planning on it.

Moral of the story: If there is a crazy within a 50 mile radius he will find me. And even he will end up dumping me.

By JR Reed

I found her profile on an online dating site. It was amazing. She was hot. Really hot. Four-alarm fire hot. And funny. Successful too. She was almost too good to be true. I re-read the profile again; just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Nope. Just as amazing as the first time I read it.

I quickly crafted a clever message to her and crossed my fingers as I waited for a reply. With a profile like that I knew she must get dozens (if not hundreds) of messages a day. I was hoping to get a reply, but I wasn’t sure that was even realistic.

She was beautiful and at first glance, wonderful. I was an average looking full-time single dad with a hectic job and a pre-teen daughter. It didn’t seem like a match made in heaven, but I’ve seen stranger things happen. Angelina Jolie married Billy Bob Thornton. If Angelina could marry Billy Bob, I had to believe I had a shot with this woman.

A couple days later my BlackBerry beeped. I had a new e-mail from the dating site and I was beyond excited to see she sent me a message. As I logged on I said a silent prayer. “C’mon God. Hook me up. I totally deserve this.”

“Thanks for the message,” she began. So far so good. “I don’t date guys with kids. Good luck.” I felt like I got junk punched. My heart plummeted into my stomach and I was really bummed. Is this what it felt like to be discriminated against? I didn’t know it was possible to be discriminated against for being a dad. Apparently it is.

I was 40 years old. How many 40-year-old guys have kids? I’m not going to take the time to do in-depth research, but I think its safe to assume that a high percentage of males my age have pro-created. I would also guess that a large number of these men have some sort of regular interaction with their kids.

“Well this sucks,” I thought. I wanted to ask her why, but I needed to take my time and not pop off with a diatribe of four-letter words. I sat and pondered her message for a few moments before sending her a reply.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I wrote. “I’m kind of curious about something. WHY don’t you date guys with kids? Do you find many guys here who don’t have kids? I won’t bother you again, but if you could take a moment to answer my questions I would totally appreciate it.”

This time I figured for sure I would never hear from her, but 15 minutes later I received another message. I opened it and read her response.

“I don’t date guys with kids because I need to be the focal point of a man’s attention. If he has kids, it takes his attention away from me. I deserve to be taken on nice trips and to nice dinners. That won’t happen if someone has kids. As I said before, good luck.”

Wow. I guess I knew people like her existed, but I never thought I would personally encounter one. I’m a single dad and I’m happy to be one. When I got her first message I was sad. After thinking about it for a few minutes I realized it was her loss. Not mine.

She won’t date me because I’m a single dad? No problem. The right one is out there somewhere, and you know what? She’s going to love me BECAUSE I’m a single dad. When single dads find the right woman, we can absolutely find a spot for her in our lives and we will find the time to take them on nice trips and out to nice dinners. Single dads know how to truly love others. Maybe one day she’ll figure that out. But I doubt it.

By JocelynWentland, Sex Researcher

So with the advent of another year, how many people have un-retired their online mouse and returned to online dating or are making the big dive into online dating for the first time? I’m no mathemagician, but I’m sure many sites like Plenty of Fish or Lavalife see a new year’s spike each year.

I’m a big supporter of online dating sites. I have had 2 great relationships develop out of online dating sites and have a backpack full of funny first date stories that I’ll probably never get tired of telling. In addition, I’ve made a couple of really great opposite-sex friends whom I never would have met if it were not for dating sites. Thank you Plenty of Fish.

So if you have ever used an online dating site, you know that you need to sift through a looooooooot of shit before you find anyone worthwhile (same goes for men and women). I have some notable favourites, but I think this one was my fave…

I had a profile on the Intimates section on Lavalife and in the words of some other wise woman (see #6, The Rerun, for other horrible dating stories) fuck you, I make no apologies for having a profile in the Intimates section.

So stick with me, this shit gets fucked up real quick. And as some background, I had pictures on my profile. Fully identifiable pictures that clearly showed my face.

A guy IM messages me. Obviously, I look at his profile before I reply. He has model-ish pictures up. You can tell they are professional. Red flag, not a good sign! (For other red flags about pictures, see this http://thejigisup.wordpress.com/ site.) I don’t want to see your professional pictures, I want to see what you look like in your every day normal life.
Immediately, I ask for additional pictures. He doesn’t have any other pictures. You know the story, work laptop, doesn’t have other pictures, other pictures include his friends. I ask him if he can crop himself out to which he replies he doesn’t have that software on his computer. Weird. Major red flag.

We chat for a little while, “Todd” is all about meeting up in a few days. I am open to meeting but a) want additional pictures and b) want to talk to him on the phone before making further plans (safety check, hello).

I give him my phone number and he is supposed to call me later that night. In the meantime, we exchange msn addresses (mine is my first/last name). For some reason, msn is cockblocking us from adding each other so we say we will chat later and sign off of Lavalife.

The next day, “Todd” is suddenly my msn friend. But his name on my contact list isn’t Todd, it’s Peter. He wasn’t online, but I send him a message saying “So is Peter your real name?” This basically unleashes the beast.

Todd/Peter thinks that I am onto his little online game (I’m not, FYI). He did some Googling. And I mean some serious Googling. I know there is a decent amount of information on me online, but this guy really dug up stuff that isn’t exactly on the first Google page.

He sends me an email outlining my life history. I should probably dig up his email and see if he wants to be my personal historian. He knew where I had gone to school, where I had grown up, where I had worked, work projects that I had been involved with in the past, that I was going to school in Ottawa, and quotes from press from my Master’s research.

The kicker is that Todd/Peter thinks that I’m online looking to recruit participants for my casual sex research. Ummm, hi, do you know anything about ethics? (I’d be kicked out of school for trying to pull a stunt like that.) Oh hold on, yes, he does know about ethics because he tells me that he used to sit on the ethics board at a university. Awesome. Couldn’t really be any more unethical than the shit he is pulling online at the moment.

But at this point, I’m confused. I’m still giving this guy the benefit of the doubt that he’s the guy who he said he was. So I email back and ask him what is going on….

He replies back and the story unfolds…Todd/Peter is some guy who contacted me through the dating or intimate profiles section awhile back. And I wasn’t interested. So I politely thanked him for his time and said that I didn’t think we were a match. I’m not online to be a bitch. I think it’s nicer to acknowledge someone’s email than simply delete it.

Maybe not. Because one too many of those emails apparently led to Todd/Peter’s psychotic break with reality.

What I learn in these emails is that Todd/Peter came out of a 4 year relationship and needed a confidence boost when he wasn’t receiving enough attention from women online. So Todd/Peter created a fake email and is using fake model pictures and is contacting women to see if he has better luck as a better looking person.

Newsflash, troll. Yes, you probably will. So what the hell did that prove for you?

But he’s not only contacting women. He’s also created a fake female profile (complete with female model pics) and is contacting men for fake hook-ups.

Can you say fucking crazy? I can. Crazy.

As this shitball unravels, Todd/Peter tells me that he’s really sorry we met under these circumstances and wishes that we could start again (yeah, try never) because I sound like a cool woman (I am, Psycho), he respects me as an intellectual (I give you all the respect you deserve as someone who is 6 shades of crazy), and he really wishes we would have met under other circumstances (next time we meet will be me pointing his face out to police for the restraining order), and invites me to check out his real profile in the dating section to fact check that he is who he says he is (my previous dis-interest stands).

So moral of the story: yeah, there are crazies on the internet. Yes, you have to keep your guard up.

But who doesn’t love another great story about frontline contact with crazies?

True bad date story via DatingALemon

I met a MILF online. MILF was 41 from the OC, recently divorced, with two kids… definitely not long term material. I noticed she had viewed my profile on Plenty of Fish, so I checked her profile out. She looked hot… like she could have been one of the ladies of the Real Housewives of the OC: 5’2”, blonde, lots of cleavage shots. I figured why the hell not, so I sent her a message saying that we should meet up for a drink even though she lived about 40+ miles away. She actually responded and agreed. This could be fun…

We wrote back and forth and exchanged numbers. After a day or two of texting, I asked her how recent her profile pics were. She said the most recent was from June, she then asked if I’d like to see a more recent picture. Naturally, I said of course… she responds with “appropriate or un-appropriate?” Ummmm…. Really… ok “one of each!” I thought she was really just being playful and was only going to send a normal pic.

She texts me a pic, still looking good. Then I get second pic, I was expecting another clothed one….much to my surprise, it was a self portrait of her standing naked in front of the mirror! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! WOW! I didn’t realize I was on Adult Friend Finder. She starts sending me about one nude pic a day, in various states of undress, without any reciprocation, I’ll let Brett Favre handle that area.

Obviously, testosterone took control and I couldn’t wait to meet this lady. We set up a date at a bar halfway between us. I’m thinking the date will probably be a couple drinks and then something crazy, like a motel room romp. We meet at the bar, things are just ok. They say the camera adds 10 pounds (or whatever )… I think with her, the camera subtracted 30 pounds. She was still attractive, but definitely no Housewife of OC, she’d barely have a cameo.

I told her that she’s the first date I’ve had where I’ve seen the goods before the date. She responds with “well, I’m new to this whole online thing, isn’t that what everyone does? I thought it was the trend to exchange nude pics via text. I exchange them with all the guys I meet online, you’re one of the only ones that never sent any back!” WTF!?!?! REALLY?

Am I missing something here? Have I totally been missing out? Maybe it’s an over 40 thing? Maybe it’s an OC thing? Has this happened to anyone else?

Things with the MILF never got beyond some kissing at the bar and at her car. I thought I was special in getting the pics, but now I know I’m just average… boo! I texted her twice after the date, only one response, I guess that was that. Still, knowing that other men on POF have her pics, at least I don’t feel guilty about showing the pictures to my friends… anyone else wanna see?

UPDATE: She finally responded to my text (one day later/ two days since the date): Hey..good afternoon! Sorry I was at a party at school for my son all day. Ummm also wanted to tell u that ur are an amazing sweet man & I’ve had a lot of fun with u but someone I had a relationship from my past has recently entered my life again. I’d like to see where it goes with him. I did have a lot of fun with u and thank u for being so sweet : ) Good luck in ur fishing.: )

I responded with: Hey, had fun too.. I use the same excuse when I wanna turn someone down nicely hope it works out SERIOUSLY, it’s time we all think of a better way to turn people down… how about we just say “I didn’t like you!”