7 May 11

Thursday’s Thoughts From a Bartender: First Mother’s Day With Her Family

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By: Daniel Ponsky

For the record, there probably isn’t a date on the calendar with more pressure than this one for a dude.

As men we handle our business twenty-four hours a day seven days a week–but having to be on point for your lady’s mom’s and family, now that’s a whole other level of constructive conductibility that needs to be handled gently and with kit gloves if your seriously looking to take your relationship with your girlfriend to the next level and beyond. I dare not say the word that I am referring to but you know what I am talking about gentleman if you too have a slow and cold chill running down your spine. It’s..the M word.

Gentleman, do not think for a second that the first time you step through the doors that time forgot that you won’t be on display like a Picasso. Fools in her family will most definitely be breaking their own neck from checking you out solid and correct. Don’t be intimidated by this tactic, it’s only a nut check, don’t trip.

Take them first few hits like a man and keep your head in the game. Aunt Darla gnarled at your jeans, little brother gives you the evil eye, Grandma palmed your butt, here’s what you do. The aunt is a gimme, you gotta see that coming. She changed your ladies diapers for a few years and will always be second in command to your parents as guardian and honorary keyholder of the chastity. Now with grandma, just smile and shoot her a wink with that crooked schoolboy smile of yours. She’ll spend the next eight hours locked up in her old, whacked out mind thinking about what she would do to you if she was five hundred years younger. But whatever, you dodge the first few bullets and make a life long friend who will always make you pudding if your lucky. Yes sir I tell you, nothing is better then all you can eat grandma pudding.

The most important thing you will have to prep for is pops. Especially if he is bigger then you and has military training.
No B.S., this is the man that will end you for even thinking anything out of line about his daughter while you are in his home. Shave, clean your finger nails, brush your hair and if you forget all of that and do nothing else, keep your eyes off your woman’s ass and always call him sir until instructed otherwise. He knows all about your game, that’s how he made the women you are with. Don’t forget that and everything else should be apple pie and ice cream.

The key to mother’s is pretty simple to me. If you have a good relationship with your mother then do this, treat your lady’s mom exactly the same way you would treat yours. Be kind, courteous and helpful. If you get lucky and start becoming real comfortable, know when to shut up. You will be respected more bye her and the rest of the family if you sit with an eager silence and delightful smile on your face that says you are just happy to be there. Skip talks about politics, religion and money. It’s a happy day and no one needs to invite the devil. Unless of course her mother is the devil in which case you have no choice but to just be screwed. Good Luck, most likely your going to need it.

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”
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