29 Apr 11

Thursday’s Thoughts From a Bartender: Passing Out During Sex

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By Daniel Ponsky

What makes a great lover great? Is it passionate unpredictability between the sheets? Is it the way they kiss, or smell or tease your uninhibited senses into an intoxicating carousel of sexual prowess? Whatever it is that hits the pleasure button within you, one thing is for sure. For that button to be engaged, the person hitting it needs to be awake.

Never in all my days have I had the misfortune of lulling my lover to sleep while trying to get down and get some. Sure, I’ve had moments when she says she is tired and asks if we can wrap things up, but like most men, I take that as what we like to call a sexual victory. Sure there’s no trophy ceremony but who cares, if your having sex, no one is really losing right, right.

Unless of course you have what I also like to call, “The Thunderdome Situation.” That’s when two people enter and one person leaves. They don’t just check out, they pass out. Most times alcohol or a lack of sleep is attributed to this sexual demise so taking things personally is a big waste of time and bruising of the ego. And the ego is nothing to be screwed with. After all, in the sack, it really does make us who we are. In my opinion drinking awakens the ego. It slaps it in the face and says, “hey buddy, let’s do this.” But over drinking and not knowing your limit has it proverbial price to pay. Being too drunk during sex is like taking the ego and dropping a piano on it. Comprende amigos? Well muy bueno.

I have heard the greatest moments of people’s sexual lives destroyed because they miffed the night by smoking a joint. Imagine a hard worked and expensive night out with your date and you barely get past the icebreaking neck massage on the couch where the only person they end up doing is the sandman cause your magic hands just felt too damn good. Sucks, huh? Rule number one, don’t mix and match your poisons.

If you are the type of person who needs to get a swurve on before you bang it out because it just makes the situation better in any way shape or form, I have a bit of advice. First things first, know your limit and stick to it. If you are in the unpleasant situation of having gone past your limit and are now on the forty-five minute clock to passing out, grab and energy drink and do some pounding. If that’s not an option, find a bathroom or a place to escape to for a moment that is private and knock out some push ups or sit ups. Get the blood pumping but do it at a pace. If you’re too hammered your liable to get queasy and we all know how that tale is going to end up. Bowing down to the porcelain god. I personally have witnessed this one more then once and all I have is two words for it, “Not Sexy!” Forgivable, sure, but sexy, hell-to-the-no.

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”
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