7 Apr 11

Thursday’s Thoughts From a Bartender: He Asked Me Out Then Expected Me to Pay the Tab

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By Daniel Ponsky

Let’s put it this way, what did you really have to do Friday night after work? You busted your booty for an entire week faking big smiles and super fun attitude to appease your boss’s ego. You took all their lip with a grain of salt and halfway through the weeks festival of loopholes and unexpected twists and turns you got a call and were asked out for Friday night. Why Friday? Saturday was no good and Sunday night dates are for already made lovers… but Friday night was open and as painful as it is to admit you are single, so you took it. Now put away the twitter and listen up, cause the next part is kind of important and if you think, blink or wink you’ll miss it. Or just have to reread it later.

Most all of us in the dating world have at one time or another held a specific date expectation when we walked out the door for that date and then had that dating expectation get smashed into a million pieces when something as innocent as the bartab came and it was assumed that you were picking it up. How’s that second Jack and Coke taste now my friend? You should know cause get what, your paying for it. Is that right? Is that fair? Is that even cool? Well I say sometimes yes it is.

Dating, much like the relationships that tend to come from them, is “best” played as a team sport. Everybody works hard and everybody contributes or else guess what? You don’t have a team. Not one worth playing on anyways.

I’m not saying that there aren’t many situations where the check shouldn’t be entirely covered by the person who asked you out because there are. For example, those early first dates where it is appropriate because of the suitor’s tenacious desire to court you. They told you to dress up and put on your fancy pants, picked you up and had previously made reservations at a nice or exclusive restaurant, absolutely. Birthdays, Anniversary’s, Graduation’s and Congratulations are a few others that come to mind as well. Sometimes someone begs you to hang out because they are depressed and wanna sulk their problems away in ice cream and Baileys with some familiar and loving company. Get the idea?

Anyone who goes out on a simple “Let’s see if this person has anything to offer my life so I said yes to date” and thinks that at no point should that they ever have to reach for their wallet is questionable. I think at some point for the other person to also reach for their wallet is always the appropriate, respectful, and reciprocal thing to do.

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”
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