4 Apr 11

Sasha Speaks: Answering Your Most Private Dating Questions — Herpes Tell All?

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Dear Sasha,
I have herpes that I got from my very first long-term boyfriend. I’m now seeing someone new since we broke-up last year. How long should I wait to tell him – we have not had sex yet?

Herpes Tell All

Dear Gift That Keeps on Giving-

I once had a friend who had herpes and was very ashamed of it. Unsure how to handle the subject, she decided the best way to let her partners know would be to wait until they were both naked, hot and bothered, and rarin’ to go before breaking down in tears and blurting out, “I have herpes, we have to use a condom!”

Needless to say, it always went over like a fart in church.

There has long been a great stigma attached to herpes, especially when women are the carriers, because people like to believe it means you’re “dirty,” a “slut” or you’ve “gotten around.”

The truth is; one in five people over the age of 12 have herpes and no one wants to talk about it, but I’m afraid you have to. Unlike HIV or syphilis, herpes can be spread merely through skin-on-skin contact even before an outbreak produces acute symptoms and you certainly don’t want to get into a conversation that begins, Him: “Hey, what’s that uncomfortable new thing on my penis?” You: “Uhhhhhh.”

A recent study found out of 200 people with herpes, those who revealed their diagnosis were able to keep their partners free of the disease for about nine months on average, compared to the two months it took when it was kept a secret.

Couples who spoke openly, agree to use condoms, hold off on sex during flare-ups, avoid skin-to-skin contact around the affected area, as well as some who took prescription drugs to relieve and lessen symptoms, had far greater chances of success when it came to keeping the relationship transmission free, which also led to happier, longer lasting couplings.

It’s scary and awkward, but your only option is to be honest and upfront, the sooner the better.

Good luck!

*Feel free to email us with any dating, relationship, love and sex questions you may have for Sasha.

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About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”

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