2 Mar 11

A Man’s POV: How it Makes Me Feel When… She Won’t Date Me Because I’m a Single Dad

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By JR Reed

I found her profile on an online dating site. It was amazing. She was hot. Really hot. Four-alarm fire hot. And funny. Successful too. She was almost too good to be true. I re-read the profile again; just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Nope. Just as amazing as the first time I read it.

I quickly crafted a clever message to her and crossed my fingers as I waited for a reply. With a profile like that I knew she must get dozens (if not hundreds) of messages a day. I was hoping to get a reply, but I wasn’t sure that was even realistic.

She was beautiful and at first glance, wonderful. I was an average looking full-time single dad with a hectic job and a pre-teen daughter. It didn’t seem like a match made in heaven, but I’ve seen stranger things happen. Angelina Jolie married Billy Bob Thornton. If Angelina could marry Billy Bob, I had to believe I had a shot with this woman.

A couple days later my BlackBerry beeped. I had a new e-mail from the dating site and I was beyond excited to see she sent me a message. As I logged on I said a silent prayer. “C’mon God. Hook me up. I totally deserve this.”

“Thanks for the message,” she began. So far so good. “I don’t date guys with kids. Good luck.” I felt like I got junk punched. My heart plummeted into my stomach and I was really bummed. Is this what it felt like to be discriminated against? I didn’t know it was possible to be discriminated against for being a dad. Apparently it is.

I was 40 years old. How many 40-year-old guys have kids? I’m not going to take the time to do in-depth research, but I think its safe to assume that a high percentage of males my age have pro-created. I would also guess that a large number of these men have some sort of regular interaction with their kids.

“Well this sucks,” I thought. I wanted to ask her why, but I needed to take my time and not pop off with a diatribe of four-letter words. I sat and pondered her message for a few moments before sending her a reply.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I wrote. “I’m kind of curious about something. WHY don’t you date guys with kids? Do you find many guys here who don’t have kids? I won’t bother you again, but if you could take a moment to answer my questions I would totally appreciate it.”

This time I figured for sure I would never hear from her, but 15 minutes later I received another message. I opened it and read her response.

“I don’t date guys with kids because I need to be the focal point of a man’s attention. If he has kids, it takes his attention away from me. I deserve to be taken on nice trips and to nice dinners. That won’t happen if someone has kids. As I said before, good luck.”

Wow. I guess I knew people like her existed, but I never thought I would personally encounter one. I’m a single dad and I’m happy to be one. When I got her first message I was sad. After thinking about it for a few minutes I realized it was her loss. Not mine.

She won’t date me because I’m a single dad? No problem. The right one is out there somewhere, and you know what? She’s going to love me BECAUSE I’m a single dad. When single dads find the right woman, we can absolutely find a spot for her in our lives and we will find the time to take them on nice trips and out to nice dinners. Single dads know how to truly love others. Maybe one day she’ll figure that out. But I doubt it.

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”
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