24 Feb 11

Thursday’s Thoughts From a Bartender: The Crazy Stalker Ex

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By Daniel Ponsky

There comes a time in most everyone’s life when a relationship or two will come to an end. Most of the “composed” end of the dating pool will move on. They will call it quits, turn there head and walk down another path never looking back in regret. They are content with the relationship that they were blessed to have experienced and are clear headed in their reflections. I would also dare to say that most of the world would pray for this resolve if they were in a break-up situation.

Then there are those who have a little harder time letting go. Their emotional attachments manifest into separation anxiety for their lost beloveds and a little extra work will have to go into overcoming sorrow and depression. “Time heals all wounds” and these people will live the definition of those words.

Now here’s my favorite, The Stalker Ex….
Baby, this undiagnosed psychotic lunatic can change the game into the most unbelievable thing that will one day become the greatest story you will ever tell, if you manage to live through it. I personally and for the most part have had the ability to end most of my ill-fated relationships with dignity and class. We were both able to walk away most of the time with our heads held up high even managing to remain friends.

And speaking of friends, an old one comes to mind for this particular occasion. No real names or real occupations will be revealed in this blog for various reasons that are nobody’s business and because I don’t want to get tug-boated in the manhole with a beanstalk of a lawsuit.

So going back a few years or so I have this male friend that comes into my bar and tells me how he has started to date this girl who at a short glance, appears to be cute, friendly and full of pep. A year goes by and everything is great. She does her thing in life and he does his. Then another year goes by and they draw closer. They are basically living together now but still have their own separate places that they pay rent at. Needless to say at this point they are thick in the shit of each other. Everywhere they go they go together. They eat, sleep, travel and even work on various projects with each other as they both strive to climb the ladder of success. Beautiful huh? It would bring a tear to my eye if I didn’t know that this baby was going to go down in the history books as one of the greatest “You gotta be shitting me” stories ever.

He is hard working and determined to exhaust himself for his craft. He is constantly involved in a multitude of different projects at different levels and is finding major success as time moves forward. She is on the fast track to falling off the track. She is constantly caught up looking at her successes of the past and can’t identify with the person she is today. She is literally lost in her own translation as she struggles throughout the last few months of her relationship with him. She nags at everything he can’t involve her in. Arguments ensue and take their toll on the both of them. Things get petty and ugly like they always do when jealousy rears it’s ugly head and they eventually break up. They spend the next few four months breaking up and getting back together but he eventually comes to his senses after a “straw that broke the camel’s back moment” goes down and he becomes completely content now with moving on. She on the other hand takes things to a level that still hasn’t ever been topped in any story that I ever heard.

His work is blossoming brightly and has even relocated him to another state. He finds a new girlfriend and is trying to live peacefully with his new life for about a month or so. He every once in awhile gets a harassing call from his ex as she begs for him back but then snaps on a dime and threatens to kill him before he hangs up laughing and thinking no more of it. He doesn’t care too much because she is living in another state and has no idea where he is living now. But she continues with the calls nonetheless and he continues to try and ignore them when coincidentally, a very high number of prank calls begin to bounce around his close friends and family circles. Then, one afternoon he gets a call from an old friend and work associate. The associate breaks down on the phone crying and begins to confess to him how sorry he is that he screwed his ex girlfriend. No big deal, he forgives and forgets his buddy and hangs up the phone. That week he receives several more phone calls from friends and old work associates who tell him that they too had oddly enough, slept with his ex girlfriend and were calling to confess because they didn’t want to lose his friendship. He forgives and forgets them all like a saint and moves on about his life with his new girlfriend.

Now here is where shit gets kind of weird so try and keep up with the rest of the class. There is a hefty lesson to be learned in this if you pay close attention to the details of how this guy barely escaped prison. One thing that should be a given in any relationship is established boundaries. These things are ok. They should be identified as symbols of respect and trust. This is important because when you trust someone you are saying that you are comfortable enough with that person and you don’t need to know everything about them like, do they get turned on by naked grandma’s or whatever? They are cool in your book and you will leave it at that. No one person needs to know everything about another person, but if you find yourself one day in need of telling someone everything about you, remember this…NEVER GIVE AWAY YOUR PASSWORDS TO YOUR SOCIAL NETWORK CONNECTIONS. ESPECIALLY IF THAT PERSON ALSO AT SOME POINT MAY HAVE HAD ACCESS TO YOUR COMPUTER, COMPUTERS PASSWORD, DRIVER’S LICENSE, SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, BANK ACCOUNTS, CREDIT CARDS, AND JUST SO HAPPENS TO KNOW YOUR PLACE AND DATE OF BIRTH AND MOTHER’S MAIDEN NAME.

Let’s just say that several thousands of dollars were spent registering this poor unknowing man up to every child pornography website and snuff film black market back alley film-fest from here to the Orient. The FBI came knocking down his door and dragged him off to jail at two in the morning for almost forty-eight hours as they launched what seemed to be a pretty full-scale investigation into his recent Internet activity over the past thirty days. Coupled with the fact that his ex had also inserted into his computer prior to their final breakup several dozen provocative photos of her that she gladly made the FBI aware of when she called them and attempted to file charges against him for exposing the pictures on the net.

Tens of thousands of dollars were spent on the best lawyers he could find to defend him and eventually, like all crazy psycho-bitch lunatics do, the lawyers found the loopholes in her story and were able to tear apart her case before it could go to trial. Her phone records became her downfall as an old phone number that she had cancelled and disconnected was discovered. They were not only able to attach the late night threatening calls to him, but tens of dozens of other threatening calls that she made to his new girlfriend, his parents, his girlfriend’s parents, sister, brothers, grandmother, two aunts, work boss, and three best friends who hadn’t slept with her.

Point being, if the bitch hadn’t made the phone calls, his ass would be property of a big ass psychopathic bitch making inmate probably named Big Harold for about the next ten to fifteen years. The moral to this story is watch out with how much love you are willing to give someone. Remember to respect the heart and feelings of two people in your relationships. Especially if you think that one of the two people could be a little “off”. The life that you are opening up for another person to share is precious. Slow down and take your time dating and try to get to know someone for awhile first. Because believe you me, there is nothing worse then missing the tell tale signs that your ex. Is having a hard time letting go. Fortunately for this guy the only hard time being served now is being done by his ex and not him.

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”
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