7 Feb 11

Sasha Speaks: Answering Your Most Private Dating Questions — Calling After an Argument?

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Dear Sasha,
I got into a fight with my girlfriend and decided not to call her and completely ignored her for an entire week, then that turned into another fight – how long is too long to wait to call after having an argument?

Sincerely,
How long is too long?

Dear Too Long-
Are you outside of your mind? If you were my boyfriend, I would have fired you already. A week? You waited a week?!? And she still wants to be with you? Marry that girl! Immediately. Because you won’t soon find someone who’s willing to put up with that level of passive aggressive disrespect.

Of course it turned into another fight. Duh! I’m fighting with you and all you did was tell me the story.

Don’t you know that you’re never supposed to go to bed angry? By ignoring the conflict and your girlfriends’ feelings for SEVEN WHOLE DAYS, all you did was encourage them to fester. With a week to fume, do you have any idea how many friends she had time to speak to, get advice from and commiserate with? Did you think of all the imaginary conversations she had with you in the car while stuck in traffic or brushing her teeth? Do you know how many people probably told her to drop your ass like a dialing-dysfunctional hot potato? By failing to make the simplest of gestures—picking up a phone—all you did was light a slow burning fuse that was destined to create an explosion once you came back around.

Some people like to think of men being from Mars and women from Venus. To my mind, the best definition of male emotional psychology is called “The Cave Man Mentality.” Basically, it explains that when men are in crisis, they need to run back into their cave to sulk and hide while women need to confront and discuss their feelings.

By cowering in your man cave, all you do is create inevitable clashes. If you could have taken a little time out and then calmly returned to the conversation, you could have avoided a crappy week and continuous fallout, and wouldn’t that have been better for everyone involved?

The next time you’re fighting with someone, girlfriend or otherwise, remove yourself from the situation before it gets too overheated. Take some breaths, relax, remember this is someone you love and you don’t want to say anything you can’t take back. Then go back, apologize and say I love you. Yes, even if it wasn’t your fault, apologize. You know why? Because if you say you’re sorry, not only are you being the bigger person, but it instantly defuses the situation and will most likely evoke a counter-apology.

Life is short and love is precious. Any fight is too long in and of itself so end them as soon as they start and move on.

-Sasha

*Feel free to email us with any dating, relationship, love and sex questions you may have for Sasha.

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About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”
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