4 Feb 11

Flashback Friday: Respect in a Booty Call (Circa 10-31-07)

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By Erik Cardona

Lying beside her in post-coital exhaustion, a guy’s mind begins to run a thousand miles a minute. Wondering how to enact the next phase of his sexual game plan, he mentally scrolls through his relational rule book of do’s and don’ts. Glancing over at his partner he begins working through his checklist. No chemistry outside of the bedroom – check. Mutual interest in one another is primarily sexual – check. Fourth time in the sack now and neither of us know one another’s last name – check. Yup, all signs point to booty call. Now what?

For most men it’s the customary mistake of crawling out of bed, pulling their pants up, and scurrying off before sunrise. No cuddling, no talking, no kiss goodbye. Men will go out of their way to avoid breaking the sacred rule of a booty call; a refrain from personal connection. Emotional distance is of the utmost necessity in preserving its framework. The problem with this Neanderthal implementation of the booty call is that it is laden with a lack of respect for the female counterpart.

Immediately after sex, a man is taught to refrain from courtesy for fear the gesture may be confused by the woman for something more. The man begins compensating for what he believes is a woman’s natural tendency to bond with their sexual partner by counteracting insensitively to thwart such ensuing emotional connection. Another aspect is that many women forget not all men are jerks at heart. Some men simply don’t have the stones to perform the cold approach required by the definition of a booty call. In these cases, the jaunt from the bedroom isn’t an act of disrespect as much as it is a bush league attempt at displacing their own personal guilt for having just used her sweater as a towel.

The rule of encouraging human disconnect to preserve emotional austerity in a booty call is archaic. It stems from old-fashioned societal definitions we created in labeling terms for a “booty call.” However, nowadays neither of men’s rationale for inserting elements of disrespect into the sexual relationship is necessary. If the booty call is born out of honesty and forthrightness, then a man should not harbor guilty feelings over using the woman for sex, since she for all intents and purposes is doing the same. In addition, if a woman signs on for a purely physical relationship, the man must give her the benefit of the doubt by understanding she has already controlled her emotional urges to bond, placing them on the backburner for the time being in exchange for a few good rolls in the hay.

With honesty and self-respect inserted into the booty call, the two can continue like rabbits until the cows come home without ever feeling an emotional slight, or the pressure and guilt linked with having to purposely slight their partner. With this pressure release, the two need not fear simple polite gestures anymore. Manners no longer need to be thrown out the window to enjoy a healthy, purely sexual relationship. This means that sleeping into the morning isn’t going to “change things”. Going out for a pre-game drink, or sharing a simple post-game kiss isn’t going to ruin the complexion of the booty call. RELAX…!!!

Why demean either partner for the sake of good sex? If you both are clear about what you’re there for and what you want, there’s no need to create a human disconnect after you get it. Intentionally stepping on someone on your way out the door as a means of preserving the sexual relationship you’re in is ridiculous. If anything, the callous exit only shortens the shelf-life of a booty call and limits your possibilities of enjoying others with future women.

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”
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