24 Jan 11

Sasha Speaks: Answering Your Most Private Dating Questions — Do I Have A Valentine’s Day Phobia?

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Dear Sasha,
I dread Valentine’s Day! Last year I had a huge fight with my boyfriend of 3 years the night of and we broke up for the last time of an on again and off again relationship. Honestly I feel like I’ve been traumatized about the day. Just the writing the word makes my hands sweat… I’m seeing someone new now that I really like him, but I’m embarrassed to tell him my about my “Valentine’s phobia.” He might think I’m a drama queen…

Sincerely,
I have a Valentine’s Day phobia

Dear VD Phobic-
Haven’t we all been a little traumatized by Valentine’s Day?

From the time we’re in grade school, a sense of Valentine’s Doomsday is instilled when we first suffer the pressure of giving valentines to everyone in the class, even the kids you hate or the boy that puts worms in your hair. Then you get to junior high and have to pray that someone sends you one of those lame candy-grams that get announced in homeroom so you don’t look like a flaming loser. Pretty soon you’re in high school and frantic for a date to the Valentine’s Day dance to avoid the same shame. And, before you know it, you’re old enough to be made to feel pathetic if you’re dateless and having a wannabe Sex in the City girls night when Cupid’s arrow should be striking.

I can’t tell you how many Valentine’s Days I suffered through single, feeling the panic rise as January ended, followed by depression and eventually terror, knowing the only love I’d get on February 14th would be from my mom and dad, until one year when I finally had a boyfriend to celebrate Valentine’s Day with. And you know what? It sucked! I thought it would be all romantic and magical. Nope! Everywhere we went there were super long lines to eat and couples bickering as they waited for tables and overpriced prix fixe meals, swarmed by tacky red balloons and wilting roses. It didn’t feel special; it felt like enforced fun, which is the worst kind.

The best thing to do when it comes to Valentine’s Day is chillax and try not to make a big deal out of it. It’s just another day, one that has more marketing dollars behind it than most. Just because there’s a day marked on the calendar that other people tell you is important, that doesn’t mean you have to spend it guzzling cheap drugstore chocolate in a heart-shaped box or reciting poetry or pretending to be more in love than you would on any other day of the year.

When you’re in a good relationship, every day you spend with that person should be special, not just the day ordained by Hallmark. This Valentine’s Day, take a deep breath, have fun and remember, it’s only a big deal if you make it one.
-Sasha

*Feel free to email us with any dating, relationship, love and sex questions you may have for Sasha.

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About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”
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