Thursday’s Thoughts From a Bartender: Mistletoe Etiquette

By Jack Elliot

So we’ve made it. It’s that time of the year again. The time of snowmen, Christmas lights, sledding, presents, hot toddies, blizzards, airport departures and arrivals, mother-in-laws, awkward sweaters, driving through a blizzard to pick up your mother-in-law and her awkward sweaters at the airport, and perhaps most importantly, mistletoe.

Ah yes, mistletoe. That strange, mysterious plant that, when hung in the right spot, can open up all sorts of romantic opportunities. And, not knowing anyone who has actually kissed a stranger or a secret crush under mistletoe, I’ve taken it upon myself to see where a few of my male customers stand on (or under) mistletoe.

So, I ask: Is it ok to kiss a secret crush under the mistletoe, even if you don’t know how he or she feels about you? Well, let’s find out.

The first person that I asked this question to said that it would be best to use mistletoe only when a kiss is a surefire thing. He feels that mistletoe should be used as a sort of a catalyst, or a “light hearted excuse,” to expedite a kiss that will eventually occur. He thinks that it would be best used when leaving a bar or a party with your crush on the way to somewhere else. “That way, the mood for the evening can be set,” he states. But he also made it very clear that this would be the only type of scenario when he would feel comfortable using mistletoe and would feel uncomfortable if he used it to kiss someone whose feelings he wasn’t sure about.

The second guy I asked held a very different opinion on the protocol for this unorthodox social tradition. I like to call his point of view the “double edged sword approach.” He said that it’s perfectly fine to kiss someone under the mistletoe, but that you should keep in mind the potential repercussions and consequences of your actions. Meaning, kissing your crush under the mistletoe could either work out very well or completely backfire. If it were to work out well, then your kiss would communicate that you have confidence to your crush, and that you want to make him/her know exactly how feel about them. But on the other hand, the mistletoe kiss also has the potential to communicate the message that you’re too overeager and anxious, and can’t allow things to happen naturally.

The third man I asked definitely had the most happy-go-lucky and optimistic stance on mistletoe. He felt that mistletoe was just a fun, lighthearted tradition, and should be seen just as that and nothing more. “If you lay one on a secret crush and she’s into it, then all the better, if she’s not, then it’s her loss- at least you can say that you tried,” states the jolly kisser.

So there you have it, three very intelligent and equally credible mistletoe philosophies. As for myself, I definitely agree with the third point of view the most. But where do you stand on the issue? Well, there’s only one real way to find out…

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