Saturday’s Memoirs: Adventures in Bad Online Dates — The One-Up Man

By Tiffany Moore

I don’t know if this should even be filed under a hell date because there’s a lot of people I know that fit into this same category. He is what I like to call the “One up Man” or for you fellas the “One up Woman” its all the same shit. Somebody, no matter what you have done or what you know they always have to have one leg up on you. Oh do you need an example well here ya go…

I love confidence in a man. (see Tiff’s top 10 men edition) He who walks with swag will bag. He commands the attention in a room and the girls will flock. There is that fine line between confidence and cockiness. Between animated and obnoxious. I am not a hoe but I have been out with more than a handful of people. My experiences whether good or bad help me define what I like and don’t like in man. Now initially I am attracted to them in the physical sense just like everyone else. It is the first thing you see, its what draws you in before the conversation and personality unfolding.

I went out on a date with this guy named Nate. He wasn’t the flyest guy I had ever seen but he was cool. We have mutual friends and every time we would do the “group thing” it seemed like we always connected and chopped it up. He asked me to coffee. I agreed. Never went on a coffee date but it was interesting, we went next door to the bookstore and read each other’s horoscopes from a book. I had never been on a date like this before (I know it sounds like a heaven date so far huh?) something light weight irritated me about him but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then I realized everything we talked about it, guess what? He has done it and done it better. I tell him how when I was 11 I went to Quebec, Canada and he tells me how he has been to France, Spain, Greece, and London. I tell him that I was so glad I was able to pay off my car, a Pontiac. He tells me how he paid cash for his Benz and drove it off the lot the same day. I told him I save money by living with room mates but he owns his own home. I say I love watching boxing, and he says his brother is a professional boxer and always sits ringside at Vegas. I tell him my friend just got a Cannibus card and we got that bomb herb on deck now. He says he can get his hands on any type of drug like coke, pills, etc because he used to be very deep in the drug trade. Oooohhhhh puleezzz. At first all of these “one up’s” were impressive. Now at this point I am annoyed. I play a mean trick on him I tell him I used to be homeless, on drugs, and I am bi-polar. He tells me he himself used to be a pimp and sell drugs before he built his empire. Its like ok man c’mon now give me a break. It is hard for me to keep a straight face and lie I just wanted to see how far this “one up” dude would really take it. Now I was determined to set out to prove this guy is full of shit. I was probably a private eye in another life. I don’t know. I started digging and I found out some interesting things about our friend Nate. I interviewed witnesses (our mutual friends), gathered countless pieces of evidence and built my case.

Here is what I found out!
* Traveled to many exotic locations around the world-Yes because he was in the military for 6 years.

* He paid cash for his Benz-Yes, because the rental was $250 for the week. His Altima was in the shop.

* He owns his own home-Kinda his dad put it in his name because of an issue on unpaid property taxes and to avoid legal consequences or sumthin. P.s. his Dad lives on the premises as well. No his dad doesn’t just live with him. They just live together.

* His brother is a boxer- Yes, he sure is but the only time he boxed in Vegas is when they got jumped outside the MGM after the club 1 night. He is an aspiring boxer and hit’s the gym hard everyday. Good luck brother!

* He used to be a drug dealer and can get any pill-Ummm no, he hurt his back in a bad car accident and can get good pain killers, he usually slangs them to his little cousins for a good deal and they in turn push it.

* He used to be a pimp-Nope, just dated a stripper who breaded him up on occasion.

The Verdict? Guilty As Charged, for being the “one up man” Who does that shit? I will find out the real. I have my ways, because I am a girl and a smart one at that. Learn from Nate’s mistakes.

Related posts:

1. Saturday’s Memoirs: Adventures in Bad Online Dates — Insult Guy
2. Saturday’s Memoirs: Adventures in Bad Online Dates — Last Dating Hope Girl
3. Saturday’s Memoirs: Adventures in Bad Online Dates — When You Are My Girl Guy
4. Saturday’s Memoirs: Adventures in Bad Online Dates — The Interrogation
5. Saturday’s Memoirs: Adventures in Bad Online Dates — Angry Guy