13 Aug 09

Don’t Use My Sweater Like a Towel: Part 10 – Chapter 6

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See below for parts 1-9…

In my studies, I did come across a few books that spoke to me in my own language: The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You by Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., If the Buddha Dated, by Charlotte Cassel, Ph.D., and Care of the Soul, by Thomas Moore, which is less about relationships than about life.

There is some very solid advice in these books that goes beyond advice; they offer very common sense approaches to interaction and attraction. Dr. De Angelis discourages all the game playing that goes on between men and women. “Real Rule 14: Be Honest About Your Feelings,” caught my attention with it’s good, solid sense. “Communication that works always has honesty as its foundation. It’s when you are dishonest about how you feel in relationships that things get messy, unpleasant, and complicated.” She does go on to say that this honesty needs to be integrated with common sense.

Human behavior, humanity and life in general may be confusing, as we each have different and unique lives, giving us each our own special brand of individuality; and that is a beautiful thing! However there is one thing, I believe, that will lead you in the right direction. A certain amount of self-understanding is important to create healthy relationships. The first step is to look inward, and the second is to look outward. Of course, all of this self-awareness can be hard – lots of Kleenex helps!

Thomas Moore, in Care of the Soul, writes, “We sometimes talk about love lightly, not acknowledging how powerful and lasting it can be. We always expect love to be healing and whole, and then are astonished to find that it can create hollow gaps and empty failures.”

The bottom line is that love begins, not just with a connection to another person, but being true to yourself. It can’t be said enough: self-awareness and honesty open up not only your own life channels, but will provide you with better opportunities to receive what you give. I am talking karma here, to a degree, and that sets you on the right path. When you know who you are and what you are made of, you will not be as likely to settle for less.

A commitment to another person is always a commitment to know ourselves and do whatever it takes to fulfill our agreements. If we promise to be truthful, we commit to a deep level of inner awareness and to confronting any fear that blocks us from being truthful.
If the Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D.

While writing the closing thoughts for this chapter, my friend RJ Joseph, the Cree Indian I met in Sedona, shared another powerful story with me. In an email he wrote, “An old Indian woman once told me, ”˜The longest journey you’ll ever make in life is the journey from your head to your heart.’ She, then, drew a line with her finger from my forehead down my nose and chin to my heart. RJ concluded with, “I just remembered this the other day, and thought I would share it with you. (She was right.)”

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”

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