29 Jul 09

Don’t Use My Sweater Like a Towel: Part 9 – Chapter 6

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See below for parts 1-8…

When things do get serious, talk of marriage can be a delicate subject. I wondered how men felt about living together before marriage. 80% of men feel it’s a good idea, and “would encourage it.” And of the married and divorced men in the survey, only one thought it was a bad idea. Man #16 shared that “at my wedding, during my speech I said, ”˜I bought the cow.’ We were together for 5 years and lived together for one year before we got married.” So it can happen. Perhaps Aunt Ruth was wrong in her Thanksgiving dinner ”living together lecture”!

Extra Credit: Things Men Thought You Should Know
Man #9 – Guys like to be flattered but challenged.
Man #7 – Dating is not a game. Relationships are not a game.
Man #4 – I find hard rules to be confining. Better to adjust to whatever circumstances arise.

Though my sample group ranged broadly in age, relationship status, race and economic level, there is a basic common ground I noticed with all of them: men like women who are confident straight across the board. And although they enjoy being approached, called on the phone or asked for dates, it is also clear was that men still like to be men in a more traditional sense. So while you can be confident, self-sufficient, and able to hold your own, you can still let him open the car door and pull out the chair. For the record, maybe it’s best to listen to Your-Own-O-Pinion when interacting with the male of the species. And based on the Man-O-Pinion, it looks as though they agree.

Most dating books focus on women trying to attract men. Something about that seems unbalanced. Why does a woman need a manual, yet a man just has to be himself? Well, it turns out there are books for men. My friend Mike suggested that I read How To Drive Your Woman Wild In Bed by Graham Masterton, and How To Succeed With Women by Ron Louis and David Copeland.

I was not surprised to find that the content was less about changing one’s own behavior, and focused more on common sense suggestions about treating yourself and others with respect. There were “do this/do that” sections, but not on par with books geared toward women. I liked the parts where they talk about good hygiene, keeping your car clean and wearing clean clothing. Less about being “rules for dating,” maintaining your appearance shows that you respect yourself, as well as others. Men, you don’t have to be a Metrosexual to take good care of yourself.

Not long ago, I ran into an old friend at the local nail salon. There he was looking handsome as two women gave him a manicure and pedicure. I walked up to him and told him I was glad to see him in the chair. “Bad hands and feet can be a big turn off for me,” He laughed, adding, “I learned a long time ago that a little hygiene goes a long way with women.”

To gain insight into how men perceive these books, I took them out in public to read. I found that men wanted to check them out; the interest was there, but reading such a book seems unmanly or girly. One of my male friends said that every man should read How To Drive Your Woman Wild. “Women are confusing and it would be nice to have a manual,” he quipped. But the stigma of self-help still makes it taboo.

To be continued…

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”
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