15 May 09

Don’t Use My Sweater Like a Towel: Part 4 – Chapter 6

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See below for part 1-3…

First I gave them a sample from Date Like a Man:
Step #1: Date Him. Do you like the guy? Do you think that you have a lot in common? Go out with him two or three times to see if you click. Let him woo you.

Step #2: Disappear. Make yourself totally unavailable. He’ll call you and get your answering machine. If he drops by your house the blinds will be drawn. Keep him in a state of deprivation for about a week.

Step #3: Reestablish Contact. After a week’s hiatus pick up the phone and pop back into his life. Don’t apologize for your absence or make excuses. Just tell him you’ve been very busy. Then ask him,” What is new with you?”

This goes back to the age-old question: who calls who and when? In my thinking, a whole week is out and out wrong. In my experience, a guy worth being a mate would think it was weird and scary, almost mean. If you went out with someone a few times, had a really good time, and he disappeared, how would you feel? If a man did that to me, I would not want to see him again. A man who is attracted by this kind of manipulative behavior is not a “keeper”. The authors of Date Like a Man say they “learned these steps from men,” but who are these men? The men I surveyed had other ideas.

Sixty-three percent of the test group feel there should be “no rules on how many days to wait,” and agree that the burden of calling rests equally with both the man and the woman, although, as Man #1 responded, “It’s nice to have a girl make the move once in a while. “ Almost all the men surveyed expressed dislike of “playing games, or sending and receiving false messages, like the whole disappearance thing. Either you are interested or not, simple,” Man #13 stated. But there were a few diehard traditionalists in the group: “The man must be the one to make the call two to three days later. If you really like the girl, four days is the best.”

So much has already been written and talked about The Rules, it’s an easy target. It’s been examined, quoted, praised, reviled and spoofed at every turn, but with good reason. A set of rules, in my opinion, sets you up for disaster. Once again, I turned to the men to debunk these “truths” Mrs. Fein and Mrs. Schneider hold to be self-evident.

Rule 3 forbids “staring at men.” I asked the men if they liked women to make eye contact with them in social situations. The response was overwhelmingly positive – 100% of the men loved the idea. “Confidence is a wonderful thing,” said Man #4, and Man #12 added, “eye contact creates connection.” So much for the shrinking violet routine!

To be continued.

  • What do you think?

About Jennifer Kelton

Jennifer KeltonI did not wake up one morning and say “hey I think I’d like a man use my sweater like a towel, write a candid dating book, become a dating expert, the CEO and founder of a social dating site and have three blogs.”

All of this has happened in a slow burn and here I am. The good, the bad, the mistakes, way too many tears shed to count, lots of wine and oh my goodness a huge learning curve that leaves me much of the time saying, “I’m sorry but this is all new to me.”

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